Scatter Brained

C H A P T E R   4

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98
S C A T T E R B R A I N E D
fl ytrap’s method of luring and 
devouring insects and what 
they saw as the world’s other 
great temptress: the vagina.
✖  ✖  ✖
Controversy lingers over the 
true name of Arthur C. Clarke’s 
fi ctional HAL 9000, the always 
unfl appable, sometimes deadly 
computer from his 2001 tril-
ogy. Clarke insists it stands for 
“Heuristically programmed 
ALgorithmic computer,” but 
sci-fi   nerds  (sorry . . . 
buff s
) 
claim that “HAL” is a not-so-
subtle code for “IBM” (H-I, A-
B, L-M). If computers (now 
ubiquitous), ciphers (
Th
 e Da 
Vinci Code
), and sci-fi  (
Matrix,
 
anyone?) are no longer the 
sole province of nerd-dom, 
one thing is and shall always 
remain so. . . .
Alan Smithee
We’ve all done things we’re 
not proud of, but usually we 
have  to  ‘fess  up  and  take 
the blame. Not so in Holly-
wood, where directors have 
been using the pseudonym 
“Alan Smithee”—an anagram 
of “the alias men”—to hide 
from their mistakes since 1968. 
At least 40 fi lms, music videos, 
and adapted-for-TV movies 
have been credited to the infa-
mous Mr. Smithee, making 
him one of the most prolifi c 
helmers in the movie biz. High-
lights from his résumé include 
gems like 
Bloodsucking Pha-
raohs in Pittsburgh,
 Whitney 
Houston’s “I Will Always Love 
You” music video, and the 
Scott Baio heartwarmer 
I Love 
N.Y.
  Like  him  or  not,  you’ve 
got to admit: Smithee’s got 
range.

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