Scatter Brained

1244:
 Muslims retake Jerusalem.
1248:
 Seventh Crusade. Louis IX of France undertakes an 
invasion of Egypt. He fails miserably, but somehow or other 
ends up becoming a Catholic saint, which is more than can be 
said for any of the seven French Louises who followed him.
1270:
 Eighth Crusade. Louis gives it another shot, this time 
attacking Tunis. His whole army falls sick from bad Tunisian 
drinking water, and Louis himself dies from a “stomach fl ux.” 
His last word is “Jerusalem,” which is not nearby.

---

187
1281:
 Ninth Crusade. Th
  e Venetians, apparently out of spite, 
decide to sack Constantinople again, but change their minds 
before arriving at the city. Th
  is proves to be the fi nal crusade, 
at least until 1989, when Harrison Ford, with his rippling 
stomach muscles, fi nally fi nds the Holy Grail. And how’d he 
get those stomach muscles anyway? . . .
10
  8-Minute Abs and Other 
Health Crazes
In 1997, the videotape fi tness industry hit a home run with 
the informercial-sold fi tness  tape 
:08min. Abs
. Simultane-
ously appealing to our de-
sires to have rock-hard abs 
and our desire not to work 
very  hard  to  get  them, 
:08min. Abs
 promised you’d 
start to see results within a 
week and that you’d know 
the program worked because 
you’d “feel the burn.” (It 
does
 
work, by the way, at least in 
the sense of strengthening 
your stomach muscles, but it 
doesn’t improve overall fi t-
ness  much.)  Only  one  prob-
lem: eight minutes is a 
really
 
long time. Solution: In 1998, 
fi tness expert Kurt Brun-
gardt published the book 
3-
Minute Abs
.
Folk Medicine
Talk about your crazy health 
ideas. Here’s a sampling of 
how Americans treated dis-
ease in the 19th century:
Whooping cough:
 Eat min-
nows (or, for the animal 
rights activists, just let them 
fl op  around  in  your  mouth 
for a bit).
Cancer:
 Touch a dead man’s 
hand to the affected area 
of the body.
Headache:
 Apply a sliced on-
ion  to  your  forehead  (and 
weep out the pain).