Scatter Brained

C H A P T E R   7

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S C A T T E R B R A I N E D
07
 The Seven-Year Itch: 
Stories from the Annals of Divorce Court
JULIUS CAESAR VERSUS POMPEIA
Basically, this was ancient Rome’s great ado about nothing. 
Pompeia,  Caesar’s  pretty  if  somewhat  dim  political  mis-
match of a second bride, was designated to host the annual 
girls-only night known as Bona Dea. Unfortunately for her, 
a  notorious beardless ne’er-do-well with the appropriately 
villainous name of Clodius Pulcher managed to crash the 
party disguised as a woman. He may well have been intend-
ing to seduce Pompeia, but his ruse was quickly discovered, 
and the poor girl probably didn’t even know he was there till 
she heard about it from the gossips afterward. Nonetheless, 
her husband was prompt in declaring for posterity that 
complete innocence was beside the point, since “Caesar’s 
wife must be beyond reproach,” and that was it for her. Clo-
dius was duly dragged off  to court, but got off  by bribing the 
jury. After the divorce, Pompeia predictably vanished from 
the history books and Caesar, after marrying one last time 
for appearances’ sake, took off  for the banks of the Nile and 
Cleopatra.