Scatter Brained

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S C A T T E R B R A I N E D
essentially sank itself thanks to lousy seamanship, and al-
most all her domestic decisions were made out of a desperate 
(if somewhat justifi ed) fear of being deposed or assassinated. 
Still, she gets points for style, and she did save England from 
Civil War (albeit temporarily).
✖  ✖  ✖
Never much of a politically correct heroine, Isabella’s lead-
ing role in the Inquisition and her sponsorship of Columbus 
make her seem like a thoroughly unenlightened monarch. 
With two genocides (the Moors and the Native Americans) 
on her résumé, she certainly didn’t need any more bad press. 
But not even Isabella’s death in 1504 was enough to stop 
her bloodthirsty legacy. Four centuries later, Spanish dicta-
tor Francisco Franco proclaimed Isabella his personal mo-
narchical muse, adding ruthless fascism to her tarnished 
name.
✖  ✖  ✖
Forget Margaret Th
 atcher. Th
  e twentieth century’s real Iron 
Lady was Mother Indira (Gandhi: 1917–1984). Taking a vir-
tually ungovernable country, she made India a nuclear super-
power and herself into an object of worship. Oh, she had her 
problems, of course, including allegations of voter fraud and 
an understandably unpopular birth control policy involving 
forced vasectomies. But as JFK would tell you, nothing wipes 
the slate clean like a memorable assassination, and by those 
standards, Indira’s, committed by her own bodyguards, was a 
classic.
✖  ✖  ✖
Th
 e fi rst female pharaoh. Heck, the earliest known female 
ruler in history. Hatshepsut’s the one who started it all. And 
since they’ve never found her mummy, she may still be 

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around somewhere. Should you bump into her, pronounce it 
“hat-SHEEP-suit.” Which is our none-too-subtle way of get-
ting to . . .