Crossroads
N
oah opened the door for Anne Nelson as she went out.
"Good‐bye, Noah," she said quietly. He nodded without speaking. There wasn't
anything
else to say; they both knew that. She turned from him and left, closing the door
behind her. Noah watched her walk to her car, get in, and drive away without
looking
back. She was a strong woman, he thought to himself, and he knew where Allie got
it from.
Noah peeked in the living room, saw Allie sitting with her head down, then went to
the back porch, knowing that she needed to be alone. He sat quietly in his rocker
and watched the water drifting by as the minutes passed.
After what seemed like an eternity he heard the back door open. He didn't turn to
look at her just then‐‐for some reason he couldn't‐‐and he listened as she sat in the
chair beside him.
"I'm sorry," Allie said. "I had no idea this would happen."
Noah shook his head. "Don't be sorry. We both knew it was coming in some form or
another."
"It's still hard."
"I know." He finally turned to her, reaching for her hand. "Is there anything I can
do to make it easier?"
She shook her head. "No. Not really. I have to do this alone. Besides, I'm not sure
what I'm going to say to him yet." She looked down and her voice became softer
and a little more distant, as if she were talking to herself. "I guess it depends on
him and how much he knows. If my mother was right, he may have suspicions, but
he doesn't know anything for sure."
Noah felt a tightness in his stomach. When he finally spoke his voice was steady,
but she could hear the pain in it.
"You're not going to tell him about us, are you ?"
"I don't know. I really don't. While I was in the living room, I kept asking myself
what I really wanted in my life." She squeezed his hand. "And do you know what the
answer was? The answer was that I wanted two things. First, I want you. I want us.
I love you and I always have."
She took a deep breath before going on.
"But I also want a happy ending without hurting anyone. And I know that if I stayed,
people would be hurt. Especially Lon. I wasn't lying when I told you that I love
him. He doesn't make me feel the same way you do, but I care for him, and this
wouldn't be fair to him. But staying here would also hurt my family and friends. I
would be betraying everyone I know I don't know if I can do that."
"You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you,
even if it hurts some people you love."
"I know," she said, "but no matter what I choose I have to live with it. Forever.
I have to be able to go forward and not look back anymore. Can you understand
that?"
He shook his head and tried to keep his voice steady. "Not really. Not if it means
losing you. I can't do that again."
She didn't say anything but lowered her head. Noah went on:
"Could you really leave me without looking back?"
She bit her lip as she answered. Her voice was beginning to crack. "I don't know.
Probably not."
"Would that be fair to Lon?"
She didn't answer right away. Instead she stood, wiped her face, and walked to the
edge of the porch where she leaned against the post. She crossed her arms and
watched the water before answering quietly.
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