Professional Development My first Portfolio

Help Your Teenager Get Organized

• Expect responsibility: Encourage your teenager to plan out a daily routine and stick to it.

• Schedule study time: Post a family calendar that schedules study time and school project deadlines,

athletic activities, mid-term dates, exam periods and report card deadlines.

• Keep track of assignments: Turning in assignments on time is essential and an assignment book is

the key. Encourage your teenager to write down all assignments and the dates due and check this

regularly to keep the work on schedule.

• Help with homework: Giving help does not mean doing, but helping to understand assignments,

listening to oral reports and proofreading first drafts or discussing a problem.

• Provide a study place: Provide your teenager with a desk or table in a quiet place with a bright light

and a comfortable chair. Keep a supply of paper, pencils, pens, ruler, tape and stapler on hand to

avoid lost time. Handy paperback reference books are an asset-dictionary, atlas, thesaurus and

almanac.

• Provide materials for organizing: Successful students keep materials for each subject separate.

Some use notebooks with folders, others use colored-coded notebooks. Whatever system your

teenager likes, provide the supplies and work with them to make certain the system is used.

Support 100% Attendance

Some kinds of absences are unavoidable, but the trend toward taking students out of school for medical

appointments, family vacations and even shopping trips, should be eliminated.

It Takes Teamwork

The school can send newsletters and notes home, but teachers also need to hear from parents if the best job is

to be done for a student.

• Help's Nearby: Please urge your teenager to seek individual help from his or her teacher{s}

whenever a difficulty arises.

• Call teachers: When you have a question or comment about school or your teenager's work, please

call his or her teacher. They want to hear from you. It's important to call if something your child says

about school doesn't quite ring true. Call and check out the story.

• Get involved: Attend school activities--open houses and parent/teacher conferences. When your

teenager sees you involved he or she will also see education as a high priority. Another way to

demonstrate your commitment to education is to become a school volunteer.

Permission to reprint granted from the Minnetonka Public Schools, 261 School Ave., Excelsior MN 55331

Page 1 of 17

You Can Make A Difference!

Parents play a major role in bui1ding confidence in their children by encouraging them in these ways:

Be generous with praise

A good rule of thumb is five positive comments for each negative one. Don't be insincere, but look carefully for things

the child does right to comment on first--then approach the negative in a positive way.

Say "I love you” in many ways

• Spend time with your child doing what he or she wants to do.

• Give honest praise in the presence of others.

• Say "I'm sorry" when you are.

• Forgive when he or she hurts or disappoints you.

• Take time to LISTEN.

• Respect your child's opinions.

• Show physical affection "did you hug your child today?"

• Let gifts be symbols, not proofs of love.

Encourage "personal best"

Help your child by encouraging him or her to do their "personal best" in school and at home. Remember, "personal best"

does not mean "perfect," and learning is not the same as high grades, and children like adults must have the freedom to

make mistakes and learn from them.

Let your priorities show

Your attitude toward school attendance, education and involvement in the school makes a strong and lasting impression

on your child.

Keep skeletons in the closet

If you want your youngster to succeed, don't provide such excuses as, “I was never any good at math either."

Show interest in school work

Talk about school each day. Ask to see classwork, encourage your teenager to discuss new ideas and defend his or her

opinions. Express your pride in thoughts expressed and ski11s shown. Show interest and appreciation.

Avoid pressuring your teen

Pressure results from comparing one person against another. Inspire a young person to perform to his or her own

“personal best." Have specific suggestions about how your child can do better:

• Reading the assignment when it's given

• Keeping a list of new vocabulary

• Proofreading material to catch errors before writing a final draft

• Outlining a chapter to prepare for class

• Reviewing notes before a test

Help set goals

At the beginning of each quarter or semester of the school year ask your teenager to identify three or four goals. (You

could settle for just one!) Put the goals where the teenager can frequently refer to them. (Many parents find the

refrigerator an excellent spot.) Make sure the goals are more specific than just "better grades."

Page 2 of 17

Listen-So They'll Talk

Good communication builds good relationships and is the best foundation for helping your teenager learn to

make more of his or her own decisions.

Listening is an art that requires practice. Here are some ideas to help you become a better listener for your

child's sake.

Be attentive

Stop what you're doing as soon as you can and give full attention. Focus fully on your child's words, using eyes as well

as ears. A youngster may say nothing is wrong when dejected looks tell you differently. So be sensitive to tone of voice

and expression. Ask yourself what your child is trying to tell you.

Encourage talk

Eye contact, a smile, a nod and one-word responses indicate understanding if not agreement. Keep questions brief, open

and friendly, and try to avoid "why" questions. Children don't always know all the reasons behind their actions and

feelings and open-ended questions won't help.

Often repeating an important idea your teenager has expressed, but in a tentative way, draws the child out. "It

sounds like your feelings were hurt when she said that." "You must feel very proud to have done that. Am I right?"

Try to empathize

Understanding others begins with empathy, putting yourself into another's shoes. Empathizing with your teenager may

take imagination and patience, but try to focus on underlying feelings the child may be having difficulty in expressing.

Listen with respect

React to your teenager as you would to an adult friend. Grownups tend to do most of the talking when conversing with

young people. LISTEN as much as you talk. After speaking for half a minute or so, stop and let your youngster have a

chance. Accept the fact that teenagers are complainers. Let them get their grievances oft' their chests. Try not to interrupt

or push a topic they don't want to discuss.

Talk-so they'll listen

Take time to have relaxed conversations alone with each of your children on a regular basis-five to 10 minutes each day.

Frequent talks will help you spot difficulties before they become real problems. In open discussions, various points of

view are expressed and everyone both TALKS AND LISTENS. It is often helpful to be doing something together when

you talk-and preferably when others are not around.

Here are some specific guidelines for talking with adolescents:

• Show respect. As you did in listening, so in. talking. Show your teenager the same courtesy and interest you would show

your adult friends.

• Be brief. The time to stop talking is before your teenager stops listening! If you must get across a message, feed a little

information-- remember the HALF-MINUTE rule for good listening?-then ask for comment before adding a little more. Try

hot to lecture.

• Be aware of your tone of voice. Often it's not what you say but how you say it that conveys your message--how loudly,

softly, fast or slowly you speak. You also communicate with eye contact and facial expression.

• Be specific. Strive consciously to communicate in simple and specific terms.

• Help your teenager empathize with you by expressing your feelings. Reveal some of your inner self. Let your child know

you also are an individual and can be hurt by others, even confused in your thinking and fearful of certain situations.

Source: Helping Youth Decide, National Assn. of State Boards of Education, Helping Youth Decide Project. For additional information or materials

write NASBE, 701 North Fairfax St., Suite 340, Alexandria VA 22314.

Copyright National School Public Relations Association

Page 3 of 17

Saying 'No'

There are lots of ways to say NO when it is appropriate to do so. Teenagers are more likely to stand up for

themselves and their beliefs if they can do so without embarrassing themselves or offending their friends.

One of the things that teens have to learn-and parents can teach them-is that it's a11 right to be different once in

a while, that real friends will respect their individuality and honesty. You can point out that bucking the crowd can

actually be a source of strength-and so can speaking up in an effort to change minds among their friends.

How Peer Pressure Works

Discuss with your teen how peer pressure works. Suggest that friends who are pressuring may be feeling pressure

themselves and may even be relieved if someone else has the courage to say NO and to explain why.

What Makes A Leader?

Talk about qualities that make a leader. Explain that saying NO doesn't have to mean being left stranded by friends and

peers. One can disagree and gain support by offering a better idea. People admire those who offer new ideas and seem

confident of themselves and their beliefs.

Say No Gracefully

Discuss ways of saying NO gracefully. A polite "No, thank you" will have a better effect than a rude or insulting refusal.

Giving a reason without being critical is less threatening to the other person. Using humor eases the tension and takes the

spotlight off a refusal. And, suggesting alternatives will let friends know that you still want to to be with them-even if

you don't want to do what they have suggested.

Stay involved. Whatever you do keep trying. Talking to a school counselor, teacher, minister or trusted friend may help. Raising the

subject one day, but waiting until the next to talk about it, may help. Good communication will make the teen years a lot easier on

each of you.

Setting Limits-When Parents Must Say No

Firm, fair, clear and consistent guidelines are especially helpful when teenagers are wavering and unsure about what to

think or do. Your rules can serve as an excuse for them not to go along with the crowd. ("I can't, my mom would kill

me.")

• State the rule calmly. An angry order is often taken as a direct challenge on, as an attack on your children's

friends or taste.

• State your reasons for the rule. Teenagers want to know why. Even if they don't agree, they will understand that

the rule is based on your concern for them, not on your wish to keep them from having fun.

• Assure them there win be new privileges as they get older. Explain that trust is earned. And be sure to keep the

promises you make. Few things will undermine your relationship faster than unkept promises.

Source: Helping Youth Say No, National Assn. of State Boards of Education, Parent Education Project. Other

publications include Helping Youth Decide and its Spanish counterpart Decidiendo Juntos, designed to improve parentchild

communication; Helping Youth Decide: A Workshop Guide assists those working with families to provide, in a

group setting, additional insight in communication and decision-making skills. To receive single copies of these

publications or additional information about the Parent Education Project write NASBE, 701 North Fairfax Street, Suite

340, Alexandria VA 22314.

Copyright National School Public Relations Association

Page 4 of 17

Self-Esteem: The Key to Success in School and in Life

Critical decisions in children's lives, such as whether or not to use drugs or to stay in school or drop out, are

affected by their sense of self-worth--their self-esteem. Helping children develop good self-esteem is

probably the most important thing parents can do for their children, because self-esteem is the foundation

on which children build the rest of their lives.

• People with high self-esteem are capable of making good decisions, proud of their accomplishments,

willing to take responsibility and able to cope with frustration.

• Self-esteem is closely tied to family and environment. When children feel that they are listened to,

taken seriously and genuinely cared for, their self-esteem is high.

Source: The National PTA, "Back to School Guide for Parents" special advertising section, Redbook Publication 1987, The Hearst

Corporation. For additional materials and information write The National PTA, 700 North Rush Street, Chicago IL 60611.

15 ways to help children like themselves

1. Reward children. Give praise, recognition, a special privilege or increased responsibility for a job

well done. Emphasize the good things they do, not the bad.

2. Take their ideas, emotions and feelings seriously. Don't belittle them by saying, "You'll grow out of

it" or "it's not as bad as you think."

3. Define limits and rules clearly, and enforce them. But do allow leeway for your children within

these limits.

4. Be a good role model. Let your children know that you feel good about yourself. Also let them see

that you too can make mistakes and can learn from them.

5. Teach your children how to deal with time and money. Help them spend time wisely and budget

their money carefully.

6. Have reasonable expectations for your children. Help them to set reasonable goals so they can

achieve success.

7. Help your children develop tolerance toward those with different values, backgrounds and norms.

Point out other people's strengths.

8. Give your children responsibility. They will feel useful and valued.

9. Be reasonable. Give support when children need it.

10. Show them that what they do is important to you. Talk with them about their activities and interests.

Go to their games, parents' .day at school, drama presentations, and awards ceremonies.

11. Express your values, but go beyond "do this" or "I want you to do that." Describe the experiences

that determined your values, the decisions you made to accept certain beliefs, the reasons behind

your feelings.

12. Spend time together. Share favorite activities.

13. Discuss problems without placing blame or commenting on a child's character. If children know that

there is a problem but don't feel attacked, they are more likely to help look for a solution.

14. Use phrases that build self-esteem, such as "Thank you for helping" or "That was an excel1ent

idea!" Avoid phrases that hurt self-esteem, "Why are you so stupid?" "How many times have I told

you?"

15. Show how much you care about them. Hug them. Tell them they are terrific and that you love them.

Remember the Power of Praise!

Copyright National School Public Relations Association

Page 5 of 17

Coping With Challenge

Stay friends with your teenager

Don't, DON’T retreat from your child's life when he or she becomes a teenager. Yes, your child will demand

more freedom and privacy but he or she will need your friendship, support and caring even more.

Meet your teenager on his or her own ground. Find out the teenager’s interests and share them. Your child

may not want to sit with you, but you’ll have something to talk about after the game. Challenge your teenager

to a tennis match--or to doubles with another parent-child team. Take a class together. Work on a project

together instead of separately.

If a gulf has already started to widen--bridge it. It's never too late to begin-or resume--doing things with

your child.

'Turn Down That... "

Can a teenager really learn while the radio's blasting? If your teenager says he or she concentrates better with

music in the background, what is meant is the teenager is in the habit of studying with music on.

What can you do? Try phasing out the music over a week or two by turning down the volume a little at a

time. If your child complains about needing the music to drown out the TV or people's talking, examine the

noise level in your household. Perhaps you can designate quiet places or quiet times.

Form a Parent Network

“Everybody does it,” says your child.

NO, everybody doesn't do it, but you’ll never know for sure unless you talk to other parents. Whether you

visit with other parents over the back fence or have organized monthly meetings, parent support groups are an

effective way of dealing with the responsibilities of being a parent.

Some groups have been formed by parents of children with chemical abuse problems. Others have

developed among parents who want to prevent problems. They may set common rules for their youngsters.

They may organize activities that are an alternative to questionable parties or recreational activities their

children want to attend. Past networks have established rules on topics such as these:

• School night and weekend curfews

• Youngsters' responsibility to let parents know where they are at all times

• Adult chaperones at all parties

• No drinking and driving

• No overnights without communication between parents

• No party-crashing.

Evaluate the value of TV

The average American child watches television five hours a day, or 1,825 hours a year.

• Protect your child's reading, studying and activity time by controlling the television.

• Consider time limits, or keeping the TV off until after homework is completed. Or you can schedule

special programs into your family calendar, but limit total TV time. Some families use TV as an

incentive, letting children earn TV hours with chores, or well done homework.

• Keeping activities in proportion

Page 6 of 17

Sports, after-school classes and music lessons are all beneficial activities. However, your child's

schoolwork can suffer if he or she doesn't have time for relaxing, phoning and socializing. Watch your

teenager's schedule carefully to be certain he or she does not become harried and pressured. Communicate

clearly that school is the top priority. If a parent doesn't help protect study time, it can easily be whittled

away.

Weight the Gain in "Gainfully Employed"

A majority of high school students today have part-time jobs, averaging about 20hours a week, according to a

recent national survey.

These jobs help students develop self-confidence, learn job skills and gain a better understanding of the

working world--plus earn spending money!

However, devoting this much time to a job means that teenagers have less time for other activities--and

often it's their schoolwork that suffers.

• Be sure your teenager's job is governed by your family's priorities.

• If your youngster aims for college, studies are important-more important in the long run than the

stereo he or she is working to buy or the car the teenager is going to have to support.

• If the teenager wants to begin a career straight out high school, help him or her to be aware that an

employer may value performance in vocational courses more highly than hundreds of hours of minimum-

wage work.

Monitor eating, sleeping habits

Set and enforce good health habits.

They'll payoff for your teenager. Too many children succumb to the taste-temptations of junk food and the

time-temptations of late night TV, which wrecks havoc on their health habits. Establish good nutrition rules

and stock the refrigerator with nourishing snack food.

Setting limits is a sign of love which your children will actually appreciate at the very same time they're

arguing against them.

A youngster may say he or she is not hungry for breakfast before school, but the same child win have

trouble concentrating in class from 9 a.m. to noon because his or her energy level is too low.

Permission to reprint granted by Minnetonka Public Schools, 261 School Ave., Excelsior MN 55331

Copyright National School Public Relations Association

Page 7 of 17

Discipline

A Three-Point Plan

"A three-point 'constructive discipline' plan nets good results in school and home.'" Designed by the Los

Angeles (Calif.) County Office of Education, and written up in Parade Magazine, a "constructive discipline'"

program for students is producing results. There are three parts to the technique:

1. Reward good behavior with praise, recognition, prizes and privileges.

2. Ignore minor infractions or work out deals to reward children for reducing minor misbehavior.

3. Punish only "major misbehavior'"-vanda1ism, truancy, disruption, fighting, resisting authority, drug

use.

Parents easily can adapt the program at home.

Families Who Care

In Green Bay, Wis., parents from public and parochia1 schools joined together to develop guidelines to help

parents concerned about their children. The guidelines have four main sections:

1. Family Communication--Know where to reach each other by phone. Be awake or awakened, when your

children come home at night. Assure your children they can telephone you to be picked up whenever needed.

Get to know your children's friends and their parents. Form a parent network and call one another about concerns

or questions. Support school regulations as a family.

2. Reasonable Hours--On school nights, children should be home unless employed or attending school,

church or community events, or studying at the library. Parents agreed that students should be home a halfhour

after the activity ends.

3. Social Life--Be alert to signs of drug and alcohol abuse and be aware that driving after drinking or drug

use is a crime. When a child is going to a party, feel free to contact host parents to verify the occasion and

check on supervision. Ask what win and win not be served. As a host parent, encourage your children to ten

their friends their parents are welcome to inquire about the party.

4. Malls and Shopping Centers--Be sure your children know where to go for help if problems occur.

Encourage reasonable time limits for shopping. Be aware of the amount of money your children have to spend

and what items are brought home.