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Businessman:
Jealousy is a vile emotion, one that’s destructive to both the
individual and the organization in virtually every way imaginable, but
also one that for many individuals is extremely hard to overcome.
Those who are intrinsically driven have a far easier time avoiding
jealousy’s clutches than for those who are extrinsically motivated.
This is because their behavior that is driven by internal rewards. In
other words, they do things because they are self-fulfilling, which
makes it easier to ignore what other folks think, say, or do. This
contrasts with extrinsic motivation, which involves engaging in a
behavior in order to earn rewards or avoid punishments from others.
Here’s an example: When I used to compete in tournaments I never
minded losing to someone who was a superior athlete or better
martial artist. I didn’t
like
losing, of course—who does—but I did not
get upset about it whenever I found myself outmatched. Win or lose,
the only time I really got angry was when I defeated myself, did
anything less than my absolute best. In other words, in my mind the
competition was all about pushing myself, the other guy was just a
yardstick against which to measure progress. Similarly, the awards
were nothing more than mementos of what took place. If I earned a
trophy that was great, but if I didn’t come away with any hardware
yet learned something new hence was able to improve my game it
wasn’t a bad day. In fact, the medal I’m most proud of is silver, not
because I took pride in second place but rather because it was from
the event where I finally figured out how to beat someone who had
stymied me for years in large part because I was afraid of him.
Those victories (we fought twice that day and I won both times) were
a breakthrough in my development as a martial artist and as a
competitor. The guy I lost to in the final was better than both myself
and my former nemesis put together, so there was no dishonor in
getting my butt kicked by him.
The same thing holds true in business. I really don’t feel like I’m
competing with my coworkers on a day-to-day basis, even though to
some degree I must be since opportunities for advancement are
limited, but so long as I am engaged in meaningful work, fairly
compensated, and pushing myself to excel I’m happy. It’s all about
hard work, preparation, and flawless execution rather than titles or
acclaim. Most successful businesspeople feel this way to large
degree. When they show up at the office and perform their best
every day eventually good things are bound to happen due to what
they have accomplished over time. Clearly invisible
accomplishments don’t count so we do need to make others aware
of what he have done, but those who self-aggrandize, chase the
titles, play politics of destruction, or selfishly put their career interests
ahead of everything and everyone else may do okay for a while but
ultimately lose out in the long run. People figure them out, discover
their true character, and act accordingly.
So, we must all think about how we see the world? In our minds are
winners lucky or skillful? We should never discount all the hard work
and sacrifice that others must have made to get to where they are
today, to earn the acclaim that they have received. Perhaps they
lucked into it, but likely not. Over the long term success is almost
always earned. Consequently, why should somebody else’s
achievement be a problem for us? Logically it shouldn’t be, despite
any emotional reaction we might be feeling.
Think of it this way: It’s a significant honor to earn a spot on a
country’s Olympic team, but despite being ranked with and
competing against the best athletes on the planet only three
competitors walk away with medals at the end of the day. Does that
mean that the rest of the folks on the field were worthless? Does it
undo all their hard work and dedication to their chosen endeavor?
Or, does it inspire them to do even more, to work even harder for
next time?
One of the great things about mentoring others in the business world
is that it’s a win-win. If our disciples go on to do great things we know
that we had a role in their success. And, we’ve made the individual
and the organization better. If we go on to do great things it’s in part
because we set a good example and led the way. High water floats
all boats so to speak... Surrounding ourselves with folks who are
smarter, savvier, or more educated than ourselves helps assure
success for the business, which in turn creates more opportunities
for us to achieve our individual dreams.
So, how do you react if it’s the other guy who gets the promotion, the
big raise, or the corner office? How do you feel if you miss out on an
award or acknowledgment that you feel you deserve more than the
person who earned it? In other words, if somebody is better at the
job than you are does it spur you to action or drive you into
jealously? We all know that our response should be the former not
the latter, but in the heat of the moment that can be challenging,
especially if we disagree with our boss’s decisions about rewarding
or remunerating others in our workgroup. While we may not be able
to control our instinctive reaction to what we see and hear, we
absolutely can and should control our response.
One of the mind hacks I’ve learned for controlling my emotions is
saying out loud, “I’m having an emotional reaction to this.” It forces
me into a
thinking
state of mind, helping logic override
feelings
. It’s
much easier to respond rather than react that way. Sure, I might
need to take a break, step away for a while in order to get back in
control of my emotions if there’s something really extreme going on,
but that’s a more sensible and reasoned response than the
alternative. Emotional displays at work are unprofessional.
Don’t give in to jealousy. It’s a petty and pitiful emotion, one that has
no place in business.
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