Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

 
A
Never gives in easily, and the standards/requirements start 
the moment you open your mouth. See, she understands her 
power and wields it like a samurai sword. She commands—not 
demands—respect, just by the way she carries herself. You can 
walk up to her and give her your best game, and while she may 
be impressed by what you say, that’s no guarantee that she’s 
going to let the conversation go any further, much less give you 
her phone number and agree to give you some of her valuable 
time. Men automatically know from the moment she opens her 
mouth that if they want her, they’ll have to get in line with her 
standards and requirements, or keep it moving because she’s 
done with the games and isn’t interested in playing. But she will 
also send all the signals that she is capable of being loyal to a 
man and taking good care of him, appreciative of what he’s 
bringing to the relationship, and ready for love—true, long-
lasting love.

---

 
N
ewsflash: it’s not the guy who determines whether 
you’re a sports fish or a keeper—it’s you. (Don’t hate the player, 
hate the game.) When a man approaches you, you’re the one 
with total control over the situation—whether he can talk to 
you, buy you a drink, dance with you, get your number, take 
you home, see you again, all of that. We certainly want these 
things from you; that’s why we talked to you in the first place. 
But it’s you who decides if you’re going to give us any of the 
things we want, and how, exactly, we’re going to get them. 
Where you stand in our eyes is dictated by 
your
control over the 
situation. Every word you say, every move you make, every 
signal you give to a man will help him determine whether he 
should try to play you, be straight with you, or move on to the 
next woman to do a little more sport fishing.
I like to think that the way you play this situation is much 
like how you climb the ladder at work. Think about it: dating 
is a lot like a business; the best way to become successful is to 
master and control things you have control over. When I first 
started in show business, I knew I wanted to be a top-flight 
comedian. But because the club owners didn’t know me well, 
all I could get was a gig as the opening act—the first guy up, 
fifteen minutes to do my thing, and then off the stage I went. 
Still, I knew that if I was on my game—showed up on time, 
networked, and, most important, gave thought-provoking, 
funny performances that made the audiences and the club 

---

owners remember me—I could get the ultimate job as the 
headliner, the comedian who gets his name on the marquee and 
forty-five minutes to make people scream with laughter. I con-
trolled my fifteen minutes by making people laugh hard enough 
to remember me, and then parlayed it into gigs as the “fea-
tured” comedian, the performer who gets thirty minutes on 
the stage. And then I did the same thing with my thirty min-
utes onstage, making people laugh so hard that club owners 
didn’t have any other choice but to make me the featured act.
See? My success in getting to be one of the Kings of Comedy 
was based on my desire and ability to control my product—my 
performance—which ultimately made me exactly who I wanted 
to be. And doing that got me exactly what I wanted—success. 
The same applies to a woman who wants to be a “keeper” rather 
than a sports fish. You control what you can control—your image, 
the way you conduct yourself, the way you let men talk to and 
approach you—and use that to get the relationship you want.
Let me bring it home for you: imagine you’re in the health 
club, and you’re on the stair climber, in your tight red athletic 
bra and matching form-fitting spandex gym pants, glistening 
and dewy with sweat, getting your workout on, looking really 
fit and sexy. A good-looking guy comes in—he’s handsome, fit, 
no rings on his fingers. And when he walks up to the treadmill 
next to where you’re working out, the chemistry between the 
two of you is electric; he smiles, you smile back; you move to 
another machine, he moves to one not too far from you; he 

---

glances at you, you glance back. And when the two of you are 
finished working out, he goes all out—comes up to you and 
breaks the ice.
“Looked like you had a good workout,” he might say, looking 
you in your eyes, and then letting his gaze linger somewhere around 
your hips. “A woman who takes good care of herself. Nice.”
How you respond—the way you control this exchange—
will mean all the difference between whether he considers you 
a throwback or a keeper. Say something akin to “You know, a 
girl’s gotta look hot,” and then twirl around so he can get a 
better view, and that man is going to do a mental calculation of 
just how fast he can get you into the bed, and whether he can 
suddenly switch his workout time so he doesn’t have to see you 
again after he hits it. A man will determine just from those 
seven words and that tiny action that you’re a woman who can 
be easily had—someone who’s out for a good time and is get-
ting herself in shape solely to keep her body looking right so 
that guys can look at it and 
really
enjoy it. I assure you, the next 
few sentences out of his mouth likely will involve some serious 
attempts to reel you in, and, if you bite, he’ll get you hook, line, 
and sinker. And then he’ll keep it moving.
But respond to him by saying something like “Thanks, my 
health is important to me and working out is a great way to keep 
in shape,” and he knows that he’s going to have to dig a little 
deeper to find out more about you. This is no guarantee that he 
will think you’re a keeper—you’ll have to do a bit more talking 

---

than that simple line—but at the very least, he won’t immediately 
peg you as a throwback. Your comments may lead him to talk 
about why he works out, which could lead to a meaningful con-
versation about a mutual interest you both have for staying in 
shape. And that could lead to him asking more questions, for 
which a keeper will have plenty of answers—laced, of course, with 
enough requirements to let this man know that you’re a keeper, 
someone who is looking for a man who will stick around.
Now, revealing that you’re a keeper is no guarantee that this 
guy won’t just walk away. Some men really are just sport fishing 
and have no intention of doing anything more than throwing 
back the women they bed. If this is the case with this man, then 
let him walk—what do you care? He’s not the guy you’re looking 
for. I know that you and your girls have been told for years on 
end that you just don’t pass up any opportunities when a man 
walks your way—he could be The One. But I’m here to tell you 
that this philosophy is just plain dumb. Women are smart—you 
all can tell when your friends are lying, you know when your 
kids are up to no good, co-workers can’t get anything past you at 
the job. You’re quick to let each one of them know that you’re 
not stupid, that you see them coming a mile away, and you’re not 
going to let them play that game with you. But when it comes to 
your relationships with the opposite sex, all of that goes out the 
window; you relinquish your power and lose all control over the 
situation—cede it to any old man who looks at you twice. Just 
because he happened to look at you twice.

---

All I’m telling you to do is be smart about it. Know that if 
this man isn’t looking for a serious relationship, you’re not going 
to change his mind just because you two are going out on dates 
and being intimate. You could be the most perfect woman on 
the Lord’s green earth—you’re capable of interesting conversa-
tion, you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like 
sandwiches, you’re independent (which means, to him, that 
you’re not going to be in his pockets)—but if he’s not ready for 
a serious relationship, he’s going to treat you like a sports fish. 
A perfect example of this is in this “Strawberry Letter”—these 
are letters the