Steve Harvey Morning Show
receives from its
listeners— sent in by a woman who clearly was just starting to
realize she was nothing more than a plaything:
I have been seeing this man for six months and every-
thing seemed cool until January of this year. We’ve
gone out and visited each other’s homes, but all of a
sudden, he’s stopped calling and when I call him, he
seems excited, but then he is very short with me. He
plans trips and cancels them. And when I ask him if we
should cut off all communication, he says “no.” But he
doesn’t act like he wants to be bothered. I don’t know
what happened, and I still like him, but it just bothers
me to know that something could be on his mind that
he is not sharing with me or maybe he has found a
woman and wants to keep me in his back pocket.
He’s sport fishing, and in her heart, she knows this. But she’s
still trying to hang in there and see if he’s going to do right by
her. Any woman in this situation should just leave that guy
alone. Instead of investing all this time and energy in a man
who can’t and won’t live up to your expectations, let that guy
walk. And then when the next man comes along, take control
and let him know your ground rules up front (see my chapter
“Men Respect Standards—Get Some”): “I don’t take phone
calls after 10
P
.
M
.
, because my kids are asleep and I’m getting
my rest”; “I appreciate a man who shows up when he says he’s
going to show up and calls when he’s going to be late”; and “I
don’t have sex with anyone until I’m sure that we are in a seri-
ous, committed relationship—no casual sex for me” are all ac-
ceptable ground rules for any man coming at you. If those
ground rules are too much for him, he’s going to walk away
because he’s sport fishing.
If, however, he has something going for himself, and he
knows that in order to complete his life he needs a woman who
has something going for herself, he’s going to stick around and
keep the conversation going. That’s the man who is willing to
put in work—who knows that he’s not going to just romance
you, get what he wants, and walk away. That guy right there?
He’s your man. He’s fishing for a keeper, and after he’s proven
himself worthy of your time, then you can let him take you on
home, fillet you, put some cornmeal on you, fry you up, and
serve you up on a delicious plate.
Need more examples of differences between sports fish and
keepers? Read on:
A woman who commands respect is a keeper; a
woman who lets men get away with disrespecting her
is a throwback.
A woman who is dressed appropriately—has her
goodies reasonably covered, but is still sexy, is a
keeper; a woman who is scantily clad and dripping sex
is a throwback.
A woman who won’t let you feel all over her body
while you’re dancing is a keeper; a woman who drops
it like it’s hot and puts on a dance floor performance
that would make video vixen Karrine Steffans blush is
a throwback.
A woman who takes a man’s number but doesn’t give
him her own is a keeper; a woman who hands out her
home, work, and cell phone numbers and e-mail and
home addresses to a man who’s done nothing more
than buy her a drink and ask how he can reach her is
a throwback.
A woman who can hold a respectful, respectable
conversation with a man and his mother is a keeper; a
woman who shudders at the prospect of having to talk
to the matriarch of a man’s family is a throwback.
A woman who can adapt to any situation thrown at
her—she can hold her own at the PTA meeting, in
the boardroom, in a restaurant, at a sporting event—
is a keeper; a woman who can’t put together a
coherent sentence or makes it clear she has no interest
in doing so is a throwback.
A woman who knows she wants to be married and
raise a family and lets a man know this up front
is a keeper; a woman who doesn’t have a plan for
her relationship life beyond next weekend is a
throwback.
A woman whom we can introduce to our friends and
family is a keeper; a woman we don’t even bother
introducing to our friends or family is a throwback.
A woman who smiles and takes care of herself and is
generally happy with her life is a keeper; a woman
who doesn’t take care of herself and is sour all the
time, has an attitude wider than all the ocean, and
doesn’t hesitate to lay somebody out for the slightest
transgression is a throwback.
A woman who shows her appreciation for all that you
do for her is a keeper; a woman who acts like nothing
you do can make her happy is a throwback.
A woman who is loyal is a keeper; a woman who
always has her eye out for the next best thing is a
throwback.
A woman who understands that a man validates his
manhood by who he is, what he does, and how much
he makes, and who knows how to finesse her
relationship so that her man feels like he’s handling
his business is a keeper; a woman who wields her
paycheck and influence like a sword and belittles his
career and financial contributions is a throwback.
H
If his conversation with you is extremely superficial,
and never seems to graduate beyond the surface, he’s
sport fishing; if he genuinely seems interested in your
needs, life, desires, and future, then he’s looking for a
keeper.
If he laughs off your requirements and standards, then
he’s sport fishing; if he seems willing to abide by your
rules, and actually follows through on them, then he’s
looking for a keeper.
If he takes your phone number but waits longer than
twenty-four hours to call, he’s sport fishing; if he calls
you right away, he’s showing that he’s genuinely
interested in you, and is most likely looking for a
keeper.
If he takes you out on a date and lets you pay, or only
kicks in his portion of the bill, he’s sport fishing; if he
pays the bill, he’s showing that he’s willing to provide
for you, which means he’s likely looking for a keeper.
If he tells you he’s going to be somewhere at a certain
time, and he consistently shows up late without so
much as the courtesy of a phone call, he’s probably
sport fishing; if he shows up when he’s supposed to,
he’s looking for a keeper.
If you never meet his friends, family, co-workers,
or other people who are important to him, he’s sport
fishing; if he introduces you to his people, he might
be looking for a keeper.
If he keeps offering up excuses for why he can’t
meet your friends and family, he’s sport fishing; if he
agrees to go to the family barbecue or a social event
where he will be introduced to family, friends, and
co-workers, he might consider you a keeper.
If he cringes at the mere mention of children, he’s
sport fishing; if he’s willing to meet your kids and
shows up with gifts and can relate to them in a way
that makes them comfortable with him, then he
might consider you and your kids keepers.
If he does not have himself together financially,
emotionally, and spiritually, he may be sport fishing;
if he is capable of providing and protecting his
potential family the way a real man should, then he
might be searching for a keeper.
If he lobbies for an “open” relationship and says he’s
cool with you seeing other people, then he’s sport
fishing; if he wants your relationship to be exclusive
and he agrees to date only you, he considers you a
keeper.
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