B o u t L o V e? Reminders for Being Loving

partner experiences appreciation, your partner’s ego is 
soothed, and he or she can drop into Essence. Often, it 
isn’t that your partner isn’t willing to give to you; it’s 
that your partner just wants to be acknowledged and 
appreciated for giving. 
A little appreciation goes a long way in relationships. 
It results in cooperation, in the willingness to be helpful 
to each other, while a lack of appreciation often results 
in the withdrawal of love and giving, which can have a 
very negative, spiraling effect. To turn this negative spiral 
around, gratitude, appreciation, praise, and compliments 
do wonders. Sometimes that’s all that is needed for 
harmony, happiness, and love to flow once again. 
From 
Choosing Love 

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Being Loving 
73 
Don’t Share the Ego’s Truth 
The ego’s thoughts in general, and judgments in 
particular, aren’t necessarily useful to share with others. 
Honesty is not the best policy, if that honesty comes 
from the ego. In addition to judgments, the ego is full of 
opinions, complaints, and half-truths, and sharing these 
with others can only bring them into the egoic state of 
consciousness. And often, what the ego thinks is just 
plain hurtful. Most people are conditioned to believe 
that being honest is necessary and good for relationships 
when, in fact, it’s often very detrimental. If being 
truthful means expressing the ego’s truth, then it’s better 
to not be truthful or to just keep quiet. The ego’s truth is 
not the truth, and speaking it just keeps us identified 
with the ego and drags others into ego identification. 
For instance, sharing what you don’t like about your 
partner is just hurtful and doesn’t serve. What’s the 
point in telling your partner you don’t like the way he or 
she smiles, or the way he or she dresses, or the way he or 
she drives, or the way he or she talks to the dog? It only 
creates tension between you. Sharing such information is 

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W
HAT 
A
BOUT 
L
OVE
? 
74 
generally an attempt, although an ineffective one, to 
change the other person to fit your preferences. If 
something you say will result in contraction or negative 
feelings in the other person rather than love, then it’s 
better to not say it—even if it’s true to you. Choose love 
rather than the ego’s truth. The ego chooses to speak its 
truth instead of being loving because doing so gives it a 
feeling of being right. But being right doesn’t actually 
feel good, certainly not like love feels. 
Even if your partner asks your opinion about how 
he or she looks, it never serves to be honest if you don’t 
like something, especially if it isn’t something that can 
be changed. It’s one thing to say, “I like that dress better 
than the other one,” and quite another to say, “I think 
you look a little fat in that.” One expresses a preference 
about a dress, and the other expresses an opinion about 
the person’s body, which can’t easily be changed. 
Perhaps she says, “Do you think I’ve gained a little 
weight?” Even if you think she has, find a way to make 
her feel good instead of agreeing with her—for example, 
“You’re as beautiful as ever!” Or if she says, “Are you 
mad at me?” you might say, “No, I’m mad about you.” It 
feels good to say something nice, and the other person 
will appreciate your sweetness. You will have brought her 
into Essence and out of her critical mind. What a gift! 

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Being Loving 
75 
When the ego speaks, it results in contraction, bad 
feelings, and possibly tension and conflict in the 
relationship. When Essence speaks, on the other hand, 
people feel good, they relax, they feel love, and they give 
love. Paradise is restored! When Essence speaks, it 
expresses 
appreciation, 
approval, 
acceptance, 
compassion, patience, and love: “Take as much time as 
you want,” “I love how you do that,” “It’s fine just the 
way it is,” “It’s not that easy to do,” “You’re so sweet.” 
Essence compliments and uplifts rather than judges. 
This is the difference between heaven and hell on earth 
and in relationships. 
Love is much more important than honesty. 
Honesty doesn’t serve relationships when it creates 
contraction and tension. When contraction and tension 
are present, you can be sure that the ego’s truth and not 
Essence’s is being spoken. Let the results of your words 
be what determines whether you speak them or not. 
Speak only what brings harmony and love to the 
relationship and forgo what the ego has to say. That’s a 
much better policy than honesty. 
From