Practice Breaks Perfect
In 2008, I was chosen for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to tell on the
biggest traditional storytelling stage there is: the annual National Storytelling
Festival in Jonesborough, Tennessee.
For traditional storytellers, it’s the Super Bowl of story. If I nailed it, I was
guaranteed an endless supply of stages on which to tell my stories and eternal
storytelling glory. Mess it up, and I’d be forgotten forever. There were no second
chances. I had eight make-or-break minutes to launch my storytelling
performance career.
I immediately started practicing. I practiced daily. Every word. I woke up
thinking about my story. I told it to my rearview mirror as I drove. I said it in the
shower. I fell asleep each night with my own voice in my head telling my story
over and over.
When the day arrived, the practice paid off: I delivered my story flawlessly. I
didn’t forget a single word. No “ums” or “uhs.” No stutters or stammers. I was
thanked and escorted off the stage.
And then I went home, knowing I’d blown it.
My big storytelling opportunity in Tennessee was a perfect example of how
we can sabotage our natural storytelling ability. I lost that day, not because I
didn’t practice enough or because I made too many mistakes. I lost because I
was too practiced.
I had fallen for the myth of the perfect speech. That when it comes to telling
stories, practice makes perfect. Instead, right now, I want you, like Goldilocks
and the three bears, to strike that balance between being well prepared (because
winging it is almost always disastrous) and being over-rehearsed so that your
stories are just right. How do you get there, to that just-right spot?
The key is to focus on your message, not the words. Think more about the
message you’re making with your story and less about the exact words you use
to do it. Yes, you should practice. You must practice. But practice until you’re
prepared, not perfect. Leave room for spontaneity. For audience reaction. Let go
of perfect and it will let go of you.
While, as of this writing, I have not yet been invited back to tell at the
National Storytelling Festival, I’m hopeful that day will come.
Tell Stories to Get Ahead
Regardless of the position you’re in and the position you’re going for, whether
you’re looking to rise through the ranks or secure the position in the first place,
you will likely encounter varying forms of the interview process. You’ll face the
daunting task of having to communicate the very essence of the person you are,
the value you bring to an audience that is required to be skeptical. How do you
answer these questions? You tell stories.
Several years ago, I heard from a young man who was familiar with and had
been casually following my work in storytelling. Matt was a fighter pilot, and
when he reached out, he was making the transition from flying for the military to
flying for a commercial airline. He was in the middle of the interview process.
I wasn’t aware at the time, but the process was pretty high stakes. Pilot
positions are highly coveted and extremely competitive. Usually, there’s just one
position and a long line of qualified applicants. To rise to the top, Matt was
acutely aware he had to stand out in a way the other Tom Cruise lookalikes
didn’t.
As you might expect, there were various elements to the hiring process, and
one of them was a grueling interview. He decided to make story his strategy.
“Tell us a little bit about yourself.” Instead of rambling, Matt was ready with
a story that illustrated his skills, passion, and character.
“Tell us of a time you were in a stressful situation and how you responded.”
Matt had a story ready.
“What do you feel are the most important leadership skills?” Matt had a
story.
For every single question, he was ready with another story to make himself
memorable, to connect with this very critical crowd, and to rise above the rest of
the competition.
The interview was in the morning. When it was complete, Matt took a test
and then settled in for a painful waiting game that lasted until 3:30 p.m. Before
the day was over, Matt was offered a position with the first-choice airline of
every would-be pilot. He sent me a message that evening that he had put some of
my storytelling strategies to work and secured his dream job.
That was an important reminder for me that I now pass on to you: Never
underestimate the power your story has over the competition. When the stakes
are highest, come prepared to tell stories and watch the results follow.
Tell the Story That Feels Right to You
A few years ago, I worked with a young company named Soul Carrier that
produced unique handbags for women. At the time, Soul Carrier was using a
video to tell their story, and while it was a well-produced piece, it committed a
classic storytelling mistake: it wasn’t really a story.
I worked with Soul Carrier to rework the video—to tell the story of a young
woman who lost her parents and, for a time, her way. It’s a powerful founder
story that touches on loss, finding your path, and redemption. It’s moving, raw,
and authentic. And, of course, it’s a story.
It’s an extreme story, and I often use the Soul Carrier example in my
keynotes as a way to illustrate, without a doubt, the impact telling a story can
truly make. And while that is the main lesson, a secondary one is also at play.
When it comes to telling stories, only tell the stories you are comfortable
telling.
I was confronted with this lesson at a recent event when a woman
approached me in the lunch buffet line after my keynote. She was the head of a
prominent, extremely successful nationwide charter school system. As part of
her role, she frequently spoke to audiences about her school and their methods,
values, and impact. She approached me with some concern, namely that the Soul
Carrier story seemed too personal and a bit exploitative.
She explained she had hundreds of stories of students who came from broken
homes and challenging environments who had thrived. But she didn’t want to
tell those stories. She felt they were confidential, and she also felt that using
them would be wrong.
I sensed in her tone that she felt conflicted about this. People had probably
told her she should tell these stories; after all, those are the kinds of stories
people really want to hear. Entrepreneurs also struggle with this. Perhaps they
faced extreme adversity in their lives and were able to rise above it. But
regardless of how good the story is, sometimes it doesn’t match the message, or
in other cases, you just don’t want the world to know that story.
In that case, I tell people don’t tell it.
“Don’t tell those stories” is exactly what I told the educator in the buffet line
as I put a second chicken taco on my plate.
She looked at me, a little surprised.
“Only tell the stories that feel right and ready to be told.”
Of course, this didn’t let her off the hook of telling stories at all. Instead, I
told her to tell stories about the teachers who are committed to these students.
The teacher stories were a better fit for her message anyway. Her audience is
primarily educators, and her message is always about innovative models and
tools in teaching that her schools use to get great results.
There is a certain pressure that comes with knowing you should be telling
stories. And there is a common misconception that if you have dramatic or
painful stories at your disposal, you must tell them. But as we’ve learned in the
previous two chapters, using the right story is as important as using any story.
Additionally, and perhaps more importantly, your stories are your own. Only
you can choose which ones to tell. My hope is that you will choose one that feels
right to you. You’ll take a chance, and you’ll tell it.
Get Out of Your Own Way
Here is one final, surprising truth about storytelling. If you look back at the times
when things went well, it was often when you were telling a story. When you
were happiest. When you felt the best. When you were rocking it out, closing the
sale, winning the girl/boy, getting the gig, you were likely telling a story.
When you have a great story to tell, the telling simply becomes an
afterthought. When you have a real story to tell, the telling is as natural as
waking up. All the fears we have around storytelling are formed because we’re
not taught, told, or even allowed to use our natural story ability and style. We
aren’t encouraged to tell stories. Instead, we’re encouraged to write reports, dig
up facts, show our work, get the format right, and speak without “um”-ing.
Get the story right and the telling will come. How many times have you sat
with a friend over a glass of wine and poured out a story? A heartwarming one
about your child? A heartbreaking one about your relationship? There’s no doubt
you told that story with the eloquence of a master. Because that’s what you are!
Storytelling is a natural ability for humans. All you need is to get out of your
own way. Almost all the problems in storytelling aren’t so much story problems
as they are problems with the teller getting in the way of the story. Find a real
story that resonates with you, and it will almost tell itself.
Conclusion
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