An American Tragedy


part in the crime being forgotten, possibly, or by then not deemed sufficiently



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An American Tragedy - Theodore Dreiser


part in the crime being forgotten, possibly, or by then not deemed sufficiently
important to pursue—and when he was once more making a moderate living
as the driver of a delivery wagon in Chicago, a job that paid him fifteen
dollars a week, he resolved that he would write his mother, because now he
could say that he had a decent place and had conducted himself respectably
for a long time, although not under his own name.
And so at that time, living in a hall bedroom on the West Side of Chicago
—Paulina Street—he had written his mother the following letter:
DEAR MOTHER:
Are you still in Kansas City? I wish you would write and tell me. I
would so like to hear from you again and to write you again, too, if you
really want me to. Honestly I do, Ma. I have been so lonely here. Only
be careful and don't let any one know where I am yet. It won't do any
good and might do a lot of harm just when I am trying so hard to get a
start again. I didn't do anything wrong that time, myself. Really I didn't,
although the papers said so— just went along. But I was afraid they
would punish me for something that I didn't do. I just couldn't come back
then. I wasn't to blame and then I was afraid of what you and father
might think. But they invited me, Ma. I didn't tell him to go any faster or
to take that car like he said. He took it himself and invited me and the
others to go along. Maybe we were all to blame for running down that
little girl, but we didn't mean to. None of us. And I have been so terribly
sorry ever since. Think of all the trouble I have caused you! And just at
the time when you most needed me. Gee! Mother, I hope you can forgive


me. Can you?
I keep wondering how you are. And Esta and Julia and Frank and
Father. I wish I knew where you are and what you are doing. You know
how I feel about you, don't you, Ma? I've got a lot more sense now,
anyhow, I see things different than I used to. I want to do something in
this world. I want to be successful. I have only a fair place now, not as
good as I had in K. C., but fair, and not in the same line. But I want
something better, though I don't want to go back in the hotel business
either if I can help it. It's not so very good for a young man like me—too
high-flying, I guess. You see I know a lot more than I did back there.
They like me all right where I am, but I got to get on in this world.
Besides I am not really making more than my expenses here now, just
my room and board and clothes but I am trying to save a little in order to
get into some line where I can work up and learn something. A person
has to have a line of some kind these days. I see that now.
Won't you write me and tell me how you all are and what you are doing?
I'd like to know. Give my love to Frank and Julia and Father and Esta, if
they are all still there. I love you just the same and I guess you care for
me a little, anyhow, don't you? I won't sign my real name, because it
may be dangerous yet (I haven't been using it since I left K. C.) But I'll
give you my other one, which I'm going to leave off pretty soon and take
up my old one. Wish I could do it now, but I'm afraid to yet. You can
address me, if you will, as
HARRY TENET,
General Delivery, Chicago
I'll call for it in a few days. I sign this way so as not to cause you or me
any more trouble, see? But as soon as I feel more sure that this other
thing has blown over, I'll use my own name again sure.
Lovingly,
YOUR SON.


He drew a line where his real name should be and underneath wrote "you
know" and mailed the letter.
Following that, because his mother had been anxious about him all this
time and wondering where he was, he soon received a letter, postmarked
Denver, which surprised him very much, for he had expected to hear from her
as still in Kansas City.
DEAR SON:
I was surprised and so glad to get my boy's letter and to know that you
were alive and safe. I had hoped and prayed that you would return to the
straight and narrow path—the only path that will ever lead you to
success and happiness of any kind, and that God would let me hear from
you as safe and well and working somewhere and doing well. And now
he has rewarded my prayers. I knew he would. Blessed be His holy
name.
Not that I blame you altogether for all that terrible trouble you got into
and bringing so much suffering and disgrace on yourself and us—for
well I know how the devil tempts and pursues all of us mortals and
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