A step by step tool for top achievers

Step 5: Don't Criticize and Complain
When I talk of criticism I refer to negative criticism. Why should we not criticize? When a
person is criticized, he becomes defensive. Does that mean we should never criticize, or
can we give positive criticism?
A critic is like a back-seat driver who drives the driver mad.

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Positive Criticism
What is constructive criticism? Criticize with a spirit of helpfulness rather than as a put-
down. Offer solutions in your criticism. Criticize the behavior, not the person, because
when we criticize the person, we hurt their self esteem. The right to criticize comes with
the desire to help. As long as the act of criticizing does not give pleasure to the giver, it is
okay. When giving criticism becomes a pleasure, it is time to stop.
Some suggestions for giving criticism that motivates others:
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Be a coach--criticize with a helpful attitude. A coach criticizes to help improve
performance of the athlete.
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Understanding and concern will act as a motivator.
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The attitude should be corrective rather than punitive.
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Be specific, rather than saying things like "you always" or "you never." Vague criticism
causes resentment.
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Get your facts right. Don't jump to conclusions. We all have the right to our opinions
but we don't have the right to incorrect facts. Don't rush to criticize.
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Maintain your cool but be firm.
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Criticize to persuade, not intimidate.
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If criticism is given appropriately, it will reduce the need for repetition.
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Criticize in private not in public. Why? Because it maintains goodwill whereas public
criticism can be humiliating.
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Give the other person an opportunity to explain his side.
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Show them how they would benefit from correcting their mistake.
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Criticize the performance, not the performer. Don't express personal resentment.
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Simply point out the loss arising from the action and the adverse consequences of not
correcting it.
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Ask for suggestions for improvement.
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Question the action, not the intent. If intent is in question, then it is better to terminate
the relationship.
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Keep criticism in perspective. Don't overdo it. Criticism is like giving medication. The
medication should be the right mixture with a perfect dosage. Too much will have
adverse effects and too little Willie ineffective. Similarly, criticism should be kept in
perspective. Given in a positive way in the right dosage, it can work wonders.
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If people who are being criticized accept their mistake and come up with positive
suggestions, congratulate them.
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Close on a positive note with appreciation.