son
was being held here, her
son,
but achieving that conviction was a hard
go. It didn't seem possible that it could be true. The possibility that it was all
a hallucination seemed much more likely.
Seeing Arnie had stripped away that possibility in a hurry. The protective
jacket of shock was likewise stripped away, and she felt a cold, consuming
fear. It was at this moment that she had first seized on the idea of "Getting us
over this", the way a drowning person will seize a life preserver. It was
Arnie, it was her son, not in a jail cell (that was the only thing she had been
spared, but she was grateful for even small favors) but in a small square
room whose only furnishings were two chairs and a table scarred with
cigarette burns.
Arnie had looked at her steadily, and his face seemed horribly gaunt, skull-
like. He had been to the barber only a week before, and had gotten a
surprisingly short haircut (after years of wearing it long, in emulation of
Dennis), and now the overhead light shone down cruelly through what was
left, making him appear momentarily bald, as if they had shaved his head to
loosen his lips.
"Arnie," she said, and went to him—halfway to him. He turned his head
away from her, his lips pressing together, and she stopped. A lesser woman
might have burst into tears then, but Regina was not a lesser woman. She let
the coldness come back and have its way with her. The coldness was all that
would help now,
Instead of embracing him—something he obviously didn't want—she sat
down and told him what had to be done. He refused. She ordered him to talk
to the police. He refused again. She reasoned with him. He refused. She
harangued him. He refused. She pleaded with him. He refused. Finally she
just sat there dully, a headache thudding at her temples, and asked him why.
He refused to tell her.
"I thought you were smart!" she shouted finally. She was nearly mad with
frustration—the thing she hated above all others was not getting her way
when she absolutely wanted to have it,
needed
to have it; this had in fact ever
happened to her since she left home. Until now. It was infuriating to be so
smoothly and seamlessly baulked by this boy who had once drawn milk from
her breasts. "I thought you were smart but you're stupid! You're… you're an
asshole! They'll put you in jail! Do you want to go to jail for that man
Darnell? Is that what you want? He'll laugh at you! He'll
laugh
at you!"
Regina could imagine nothing worse, and her son's apparent lack of interest
in whether or not he was laughed at infuriated her all the more.
She rose from her chair and pushed her hair away from her brow and eyes,
the unconscious gesture of a person who is ready to fight. She was breathing
rapidly, and her face was flushed. To Arnie, she looked both younger and
much, much older than he had ever seen her.
"I'm not doing it for Darnell," he said quietly, "and I'm not going to jail."
"What are you, Oliver Wendell Holmes?" she rejoined fiercely, but her anger
was in some measure overmastered by relief. At least he could say
something.
"They caught you in his car with the boot loaded with cigarettes!
Illegal cigarettes!"
Mildly, Arnie said, "They weren't in the boot. They were in a compartment
under the boot. A secret compartment. And it was Will's car. Will told me to
take his car." She looked at him.
"Are you saying you didn't know they were there?"
Arnie looked at her with an expression she simply couldn't accept, it was so
foreign to his face—it was contempt.
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