|
party, me spinning around and around on the icy pond.
Then, on the last page, the two of us. In my small cartoon hand is a balloon,
the top bursting, and hundreds of stars pouring out of it, rolling across the page
to Will.
He’s holding a scroll and quill, the words “Will’s Master List” written on it.
And below, a single item.
“#1: Love Stella Forever.”
I smile and look around at all the faces in the room. Then why isn’t he here?
Julie takes a step forward, propping an iPad up on my lap. I frown, confused.
She presses play.
“My beautiful, bossy Stella,” Will says, his face appearing on the screen, his
hair its usual charming mess, his smile as lopsided as ever.
“I guess it’s true what that book of yours says—the soul knows no time. These
past few weeks will last forever for me.” He takes a deep breath, smiling with
those blue eyes. “My only regret is that you never got to see your lights.”
I look up, surprised, as the lights in my room suddenly go out. I see Julie
standing by the switch.
Suddenly the courtyard outside my recovery room window is ablaze, the
entire space filled with the twinkling holiday lights from the park, twisting
around the lampposts and the trees. I gasp as they cast a glow into my room.
Barb and Julie unlock the bed, rolling it right up to the window so I can see.
And there, on the other side of the glass, standing under a canopy of those
beautiful lights, is Will.
My eyes widen as I realize what’s happening.
He’s leaving. Will’s leaving. I grip at the sheets as a different kind of pain
takes over.
He smiles at me, looking down and pulling out his phone. Behind me, my
phone starts ringing. Julie brings it to me, putting it on speaker. I open my
mouth to speak, to say something, to tell him to
stay
, but nothing comes out.
The ventilator tube hisses.
I try to somehow tell him through my look not to leave. That I need him.
He gives me a faint smile, and I see the tears in his blue eyes. “Finally, I’ve got
you speechless,” he says, his voice pouring out of the phone.
He raises his hand, putting it up against the glass of the window. I weakly
raise mine, resting it on top of his, the glass just the latest thing keeping us
apart.
I want to scream.
Stay.
“People in the movies are always saying, ‘You have to love someone enough to
let them go.’ ” He shakes his head, swallowing, struggling to speak. “I always
thought that was such bullshit. But seeing you almost die . . .”
His voice trails off, and my fingers curl against the cool window, wanting to
smash it, but I can barely manage a knock. “In that moment nothing else
mattered to me. Nothing. Except your life.”
He presses harder too, his voice shaking as he continues. “The only thing I
want is to be with you. But I
need
for you to be safe. Safe from
me.
”
He fights to continue, tears streaming down his face. “I don’t want to leave
you, but I love you too much to stay.” He laughs through his tears, shaking his
head. “God, the freakin’ movies were right.”
He leans his head against the window where my hand rests. I can feel it, even
through the glass. I can feel him.
“I will love you forever,” he says, looking up so we’re face-to-face, the both of
us silently seeing the same pain in each other’s eyes. My heart slowly cracks
under the new scar.
My breath fogs up the glass, and one more time I lift a shaking finger,
drawing a heart.
“Will you please close your eyes?” he asks, his voice breaking. “I’m not gonna
be able to walk away from you if you’re looking at me.”
But I refuse. He looks up, seeing the defiance in my face. But the certainty in
his surprises me.
“Don’t worry about me,” he says, smiling through the tears. “If I stop
breathing tomorrow, know that I wouldn’t change a thing.”
I love him. And he’s about to leave my life forever so that I can have a life to
live.
“Please close your eyes,” he begs, his jaw tightening. “Let me go.”
I take a moment to memorize his face, every inch of it, and finally I force my
eyes shut as sobs rack my body, fighting with the ventilator.
He’s leaving.
Will’s leaving.
When I open my eyes, he will be
gone
.
Tears stream down my face as I feel him walk away, much farther than the
five feet that we agreed on. That was always between us.
I open my eyes slowly, some part of me still hoping he’ll be on the other side
of the glass. But all I see are the twinkling lights in the courtyard and a town car
in the distance, disappearing into the night.
My fingertips reach up, shaking, as I touch his lip print on the window. His
final kiss good-bye.
EIGHT MONTHS LATER
Do'stlaringiz bilan baham: |
