Academic Writing Task One

A wordy body paragraph: 

Over-grazing is responsible for the most significant share of land degradation 

(35%). There is little difference between the figures for deforestation and over-

cultivation, as the former contributes the second highest percentage with 30%, 

while the share of the latter is marginally lower (28%). The remaining 7% is 

accounted for by a range of other factors. (55 words) 

A leaner body paragraph: 

Over-grazing is responsible for the most significant share of land degradation 

with 35%, followed by deforestation (30%). The contribution of over-cultivation is 

lower than deforestation by a margin of 2%, and the remaining 7% is accounted 

for by a range of other factors. (43 words)