My Grammar and I (Or Should That Be 'Me'?): Old-School Ways to Sharpen Your English



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my grammar and I

W
HAT A TO-DO
(
OR
, V
ERBS
)
Smart Alec: When somebody greets us with How do you do?, why don’t we
ever reply Do what??
A verb is a ‘doing word’: I do , you go , he runs , we sleep , they sneeze . A verb
also expresses a state of being: I am , it is , we live . Verbs have a lot of clout. They
make things happen.
I books
You grammar
We money
mean nothing without a verb.
I write books
You learn grammar
We earn money
make perfect sense. And are good things. Particularly the last one.
To be or not to be
With verbs, we start with the infinitive , which is made up of the preposition to
and the basic form of the verb:
To be , or not to be , that is the Question.
To sleep , perchance to dream .
To have and to hold .


These verbs have meaning – we know what to be , to sleep , to dream , to have ,
to  hold  mean  –  but  they  don’t  tell  us  anything  specific  about  the  action  that  is
being performed, the time it is (or was or will be or may have been) being done,
or the number of people doing it. For that, we need either:
to conjugate the verb – that is, change the ending to show a change of meaning
(he guffaw s , I guffaw ed ); or
to add an auxiliary or helping verb to specify time and number (I will  guffaw  ,
you are guffawing , he has guffawed ).
Once  you  have  conjugated  a  verb  and  added  any  auxiliaries  you  want  to  make
the action complete, you have a finite verb  .  (As  in,  not  an  infinitive,  you  see?
Clever, eh?)
To boldly split
But surely, this is a practice entirely unknown to English speakers and
writers. It seems to me that we ever regard the to of the infinitive as
inseparable from its verb. And, when we have already a choice between
two forms of expression, scientifically to illustrate and to illustrate
scientifically , there seems no good reason for flying in the face of common
usage.
H
ENRY
A
LFORD
, Plea for the Queen’s English , 1864
The  old  rule  was  simple:  never  split  an  infinitive  –  that  is,  on  pain  of  death,
never put a word between the to and the rest of the verb. The example everyone
trundles out at this point is Star Trek ’s ‘To boldly go…’
It  is,  however,  probably  one  of  the  dafter  rules  to  come  out  of  the  old
grammarians’ insistence on applying Latin rules to English: Latin infinitives are
one  word  –  amare  ,  potare  ,  studere  –  so  couldn’t  be  split  anyway.  Modern
scholars  reckon  that  splitting  an  infinitive  is  perfectly  acceptable  if  the
alternative  would  be  clumsy  or  ambiguous.  In  the  following  sentences,  for
example, we think that the non-split version is more elegant and the meaning is
equally  clear,  so  it  is  preferable.  But  it  is  surely  preferable  because  it  is  more
elegant , not because the infinitive is unsplit.


Many people choose to incorrectly split an infinitive in everyday speech.
Many people incorrectly choose to split an infinitive in everyday speech.
They decided to quickly devour the pie.
They decided to devour the pie quickly .
She put aside extra time to closely mark the exam papers .
She put aside extra time to mark the exam papers closely.
On  the  other  hand,  this  fragment  (from  a  Daily  Telegraph  report)  scrupulously
avoids splitting the infinitive and in so doing sacrifices clarity: A family doctor
who installed a camera secretly to film a woman using his bathroom… What was
it that was done secretly? The installation or the filming? (Or, given the context,
perhaps both?)
‘The English-speaking world may be divided into (1) those who neither know nor care what a split
infinitive is; (2) those who do not know, but care very much; (3) those who know and condemn; (4)
those who know and approve; (5) those who know and distinguish… Those who neither know nor
care are the vast majority, and are a happy folk, to be envied by most of the minority classes.’
H. W. F
OWLER
, Modern English Usage , 192 6
A few irregularities
Regular verbs – those that follow the rules – are conjugated as follows:
*22
Present tense:
I love , you love , he love s , we love , they love
Past tense:
I love d , you love d , he love d , we love d , they
love d
Present

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