A Gem for Every Occasion
If stirring words help make your point, ponder the impact of pow-
erful phrases. They’ve helped politicians get elected (“Read my
lips: no new taxes.”) and defendants get acquitted (“If it doesn’t
fit, you must acquit.”).
If George H. W. Bush had said, “I promise not to raise taxes,”
or Johnny Cochran, during O. J. Simpson’s criminal trial, had said,
“If the glove doesn’t fit, he must be innocent,” their bulky sen-
tences would have slipped in and out of the voter’s or juror’s con-
sciousness. As every politician and trial lawyer knows, neat phrases
make powerful weapons. (If you’re not careful, your enemies will
later use them against you—read my lips!)
One of my favorite speakers is a radio broadcaster named
Barry Farber who brightens up late-night radio with sparkling sim-
iles. Barry would never use a cliché like “nervous as a cat on a hot
tin roof.” He’d describe being nervous about losing his job as “I
felt like an elephant dangling over a cliff with his tail tied to a
daisy.” Instead of saying he looked at a pretty woman, he’d say,
“My eyeballs popped out and dangled by the optic nerve.”
When I first met him, I asked, “Mr. Farber, how do you come
up with these phrases?”
“My daddy’s Mr. Farber. I’m Barry,” he chided (his way of say-
ing, “Call me Barry”). He then candidly admitted, although some
of his phrases are original, many are borrowed. (Elvis Presley used
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to say, “My daddy’s Mr. Presley. Call me Elvis.”) Like all profes-
sional speakers, Barry spends several hours a week gleaning
through books of quotations and humor. All professional speakers
do. They collect bon mots they can use in a variety of situations—
most especially to scrape egg off their faces when something unex-
pected happens.
Many speakers use author’s and speaker’s agent Lilly Walters’s
face-saver lines from her book,
What to Say When You’re Dying on
the Platform
.
16
If you tell a joke and no one laughs, try “That joke
was designed to get a silent laugh—and it worked.” If the micro-
phone lets out an agonizing howl, look at it and say, “I don’t under-
stand. I brushed my teeth this morning.” If someone asks you a
question you don’t want to answer, “Could you save that question
until I’m finished—and well on my way home?” All pros think of
holes they might fall into and then memorize great escape lines.
You can do the same.
Look through books of similes to enrich your day-to-day con-
versations. Instead of “happy as a lark” try “happy as a lottery win-
ner” or “happy as a baby with its first ice cream cone.” Instead of
“bald as an eagle,” try “bald as a new marine” or “bald as a bull-
frog’s belly.” Instead of “quiet as a mouse,” try “quiet as an eel
swimming in oil” or “quiet as a fly lighting on a feather duster.”
Find phrases that have visual impact. Instead of a cliché like
“sure as death and taxes,” try “as certain as beach traffic in July”
or “as sure as your shadow will follow you.” Your listeners can’t see
death or taxes. But they sure can see beach traffic in July or their
shadow following them down the street.
Try to make your similes relate to the situation. If you’re rid-
ing in a taxi with someone, “as sure as that taxi meter will rise” has
immediate impact. If you’re talking with a man walking his dog,
“as sure as your dog is thinking about that tree” adds a touch of
humor.
How to Use Motivational Speakers’ Techniques to Enhance Your Conversation
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