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How to Talk to Anyone 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (Leil Lowndes) (z-lib.org)

Technique #27
Kill the Quick “Me , Too!”
Whenever you have something in common with
someone, the longer you wait to reveal it, the more
moved (and impressed) he or she will be. You emerge as
a confident big cat, not a lonely little stray, hungry for
quick connection with a stranger.
P.S.: Don’t wait too long to reveal your shared
interest or it will seem like you’re being tricky.
03 (093-142B) part three 8/14/03 9:17 AM Page 109


“SEX! Now that I have your attention. . . . ” Two-bit comics have
been using that gag from the days when two bits bought a
foursquare meal. However, big winners know there’s a three-letter
word more potent then 
SEX
to get people’s attention. That word
is 
YOU
.
Why is 
you
such a powerful word? Because when we were
infants, we thought we were the center of the universe. Nothing
mattered but ME, MYSELF, and I. The rest of the shadowy forms
stirring about us (which we later learned were other people) existed
solely for what they could do for us. Self-centered little tykes that
we were, our tiny brains translated every action, every word, into,
“How does that affect ME?”
Big winners know we haven’t changed a bit. Adults camouflage
their self-centeredness under a mask of civilization and politeness.
Yet the human brain still immediately, instinctively, and unfailingly
translates everything into terms of “How does that affect ME?”
For example, suppose, gentlemen, you want to ask a colleague,
Jill, if she would like to join you for dinner. So you say to her,
“There’s a really good new Indian restaurant in town. Will you
join me there for dinner tonight?”
110
How to Be a “
You
-
Firstie” to Gain Their
Respect and Affection

28
03 (093-142B) part three 8/14/03 9:17 AM Page 110
Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.


Before answering, Jill is thinking to herself, “By ‘good’ does
he mean the food or the atmosphere or both?” Her reverie con-
tinues, “Indian cuisine, I’m not sure. He says it’s good. However,
will I like it?” While thinking, Jill hesitates. You probably take her
hesitation personally, and the joy of the exchange diminishes.
Suppose, instead, you had said to her, “Jill, 
you
will really love
this new Indian restaurant. Will you join me there this evening
for dinner?” Phrasing it that way, you’ve already subliminally
answered Jill’s questions and she’s more apt to give you a quick
“yes.”
The pleasure-pain principle is a guiding force in life. Psy-
chologists tell us everyone automatically gravitates toward that
which is pleasurable and pulls away from that which is painful.
For many people, thinking is painful.
So big winners (when they wish to control, inspire, be loved by,
sell to people, or get them to go to dinner) do the thinking for them.
They translate everything into the other person’s terms by starting
as many sentences as they can with that powerful little three-letter
word, 
you
. Thus, I call the technique “Comm-YOU-nication.”

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