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Technique #23
The L atest Ne ws . . . Don’t Le av e Home
Without It
The last move to make before leaving for the party—
even after you’ve given yourself final approval in the
mirror—is to turn on the radio news or scan your
newspaper. Anything that happened today is good
material. Knowing the big-deal news of the moment is
also a defensive move that rescues you from putting
your foot in your mouth by asking what everybody’s
talking about. Foot-in-mouth is not very tasty in
public, especially when it’s surrounded by egg-on-face.
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appointment. Sidney told me when she initiated this rule, her busi-
ness increased significantly. Reports came back from her clients
complimenting her on the fascinating women she had working for
her. The consummate businesswoman, Ms. Barrows always strove
to exceed her customers’ expectations.
Ready for the big leagues of conversation? Let’s go.
How to Always Have Something Interesting to Say
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PART THREE
How to Talk
Like a VIP
Welcome to the human jungle. When two tigers prowling through
the jungle chance upon one another in a clearing, they look at each
other. They freeze. Instinctively they calculate, “If our staring
came to hissing—came to scratching—came to clawing—who
would win? Which of us has the stronger survival skills?”
Tigers in the wilderness differ little from the urban upright
animals inhabiting the corporate jungle (or singles jungle or social
jungle). Humans start the process by looking at each other and
talking. In the business world, while smiling and uttering “How
do you do?” “Hello,” “Howdy,” or “Hi,” they are, like tigers,
instinctively, instantaneously, sizing each other up.
They’re not calculating the length of each other’s claws or the
sharpness of their teeth. They’re judging each other on a weapon
far more powerful to survival as they have defined it. Humans are
judging each other’s communications skills. Although they may
not know the names of the specific studies first proving it, they
sense the truth: 85 percent of one’s success in life is directly due
to communications skills.
13
They may not be familiar with the U.S. Census Bureau’s
recent survey showing employers choose candidates with good
communications skills and attitude way over education, experi-
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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.
ence, and training.
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But they know communications skills get peo-
ple to the top. Thus, by observing each other carefully during
casual conversing, it becomes almost immediately evident to both
which is the bigger cat in the human jungle.
It doesn’t take long for people to recognize who is an “impor-
tant” person. One cliché, one insensitive remark, one overanxious
reaction, and you can be professionally or personally demoted. You
can lose a potentially important friendship or business contact.
One stupid move and you can tumble off the corporate or social
ladder.
The techniques in this section will help ensure that you make
all the right moves so this doesn’t happen. The following com-
munications skills give you a leg up to start your ascent to the top
of any ladder you choose.
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How to Talk to Anyone
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To size each other up, the first question little cats flat-pawedly ask
each other is, “And what do you do? Hmm?” Then they crouch
there, quivering their whiskers and twitching their noses, with an
obvious “I’m going to pronounce silent judgment on you after you
answer” look on their pusses.
Big cats never ask outright, “What do you do?” (Oh they find
out, all right, in a much more subtle manner.) By not asking the
question, the big boys and big girls come across as more princi-
pled, even spiritual. “After all,” their silence says, “a man or woman
is far more than his or her job.”
Resisting the tempting question also shows their sensitivity.
With so much downsizing, rightsizing, and capsizing of corpora-
tions these days, the blunt interrogation evokes uneasiness. The
job question is not just unpleasant for those who are “between
engagements.” I have several gainfully employed friends who hate
being asked, “And what do you do?” (One of these folks cuts
cadavers for autopsies, the other is an IRS collection agent.)
Additionally, millions of talented and accomplished women
have chosen to devote themselves to motherhood. When the cruel
corporate question is thrust at them, they feel guilty. The rude
interrogation belittles their commitment to their families. No mat-
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How to Find Out What
They Do (Without
Even Asking!)
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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.
ter how the women answer, they fear the asker is only going to
hear a humble “I’m just a housewife.”
Big boys and big girls should avoid asking, “What do you do?”
for another reason: their abstinence from the question leads lis-
teners to believe that they are in the habit of soaring with a high-
flying crowd. Recently I attended a posh party on Easy Street. (I
suspect they invited me as their token working-class person.) I
noticed no one was asking anyone what they did—because these
swells didn’t do anything. Oh, some might have a ticker tape on
the bed table of their mansion to track investments. But they def-
initely did not work for a living.
The final benefit to not asking, “What do you do?” is it throws
people off guard. It convinces them you are enjoying their com-
pany for who they are, not for any crass networking reason.
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