Liam hemsworth

THE HUNGER GAMES

The Abridged Script

FADE IN:

EXT. DISTRICT 12

JENNIFER LAWRENCE and LIAM HEMSWORTH walk to the town square sullenly.

LIAM HEMSWORTH

God, I hate having to come to The Reaping every year. It's like, Hillary Swank as a scientist, really?

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

No no, you're thinking of the 2007 plague movie. This is just when a male and female child are selected at random to fight the children of 11 other districts to the death, so nowhere near as bad as that.

LIAM HEMSWORTH

(exaggerated eye-roll)

Pfffffffffft, that's such a ripoff of Battle Royale! That's a ridiculously famous and popular Japanese film, you may not have heard of it. Doesn't it show how totally hip and smart I am to cleverly observe how similar this movie is to that one?

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Actually, since you could have realized that 4 years ago when the book came out, the only thing you've shown is that you don't read books.

ELIZABETH BANKS, caked in HEATH LEDGER'S TEST MAKEUP, walks out onto a stage.

ELIZABETH BANKS

Oooooo, I will now select this year's female tribute without even the slightest hint of awareness that this is actually a process people don't like!

ELIZABETH selects JENNIFER'S SISTER, WILLOW SHIELDS.

WILLOW SHIELDS

I can't open my eyes with terror any wider, won't somebody do something?!

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Stop, I volunteer! I am not the greatest girl in the world, no, I am just a tribuuuuute!

ELIZABETH BANKS

Great! And for the male tribute...

(draws a name)

Some blond beta kid nobody cares about.

JOSH HUTCHERSON

Awwww man, this is the worst birthday ever!

WILLOW and LIAM say goodbye to JENNIFER.

WILLOW SHIELDS

Sis, I want you to have the Mockingjay pin I wear, it'll bring you good luck.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

This would be the same lucky pin you were wearing when you were selected against thousand-to-one odds to be sent to your death, right? Thanks.

WILLOW SHIELDS

I guess I'll see you when the movie's over, since at no point will anyone make any attempt to make it seem like you're not going to obviously win the games.

They HUG, it's LIKE TOTALLY EMOTIONAL.

LIAM HEMSWORTH

Good luck, Jennifer. Whatever you do, don't overemphasize the book's Twilight-esque love triangle just because our target demographic eats that --- up like rocky road ice cream after a breakup. Remember, I'll be here, smoldering at the TV for you.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Thanks Liam, tell Captain America and Iron Man I said hello.

LIAM HEMSWORTH

Oh, you ----.

INT. PANEM

JENNIFER and JOSH are taken to the CAPITAL CITY OF PANEM where they train with WOODY HARRELSON, previous winner of THE MOST HUNGRIEST GAME.

WOODY HARRELSON

Hi tributes, ask me anything. I will get to as many of your questions as I can, so start asking now!

JOSH HUTCHERSON

I'm a baker by trade, should I go for it if one of the weapons on the battlefield is a comically oversized dough roller?

WOODY HARRELSON

You know, I really don't think about those things, once the opportunity passes, I really let go of it.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

In the book you're an alcoholic largely due to the emotional burden that comes with training children that go on to be slaughtered, but just now you seemed to grab every drink you could because it's a cheap characterization, is that accurate?

WOODY HARRELSON

I did it for energy. And I have to say, it works.

Suddenly, LENNY KRAVITZ approaches.

LENNY KRAVITZ

Hey guys, I really hate having my picture taken without sunglasses on, so let's make this fast. We have to introduce all 24 tributes to the audience, so I'm going to make you stand out with this costume, which looks like it's on fire.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

That's it? This costume got two full, tedious chapters in the book! And yet, --- fangirls are still going to complain the book is better, aren't they, Woody?

WOODY HARRELSON

I don't want to answer questions about that. Let’s focus on the film people.

JENNIFER shoots an APPLE which causes the movie to admit up-front that she's going to win so everyone can RELAX.

JENNIFER sits down for an interview with STANLEY TUCCI.

STANLEY TUCCI

Hi Jennifer, try your best not to be distracted by my ridiculous costume. So, first question: the premise of "The Hunger Games" is that food is scarce and people compete in this competition to win food for their families, right?

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

That's correct, Stanley.

STANLEY TUCCI

So you're supposedly... you know, starving to death, right?

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Yep. What are you asking, exactly?

STANLEY TUCCI

Well, you look... I mean, what I'm asking is, why are you... er, of all the young actresses up for the part... uh, how do I ask this without sounding like a superficial male pig...

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

You're wondering why they didn't cast an Olsen twin?

STANLEY TUCCI

Yes, exactly! Thank you!

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Superficial male pig.

JENNIFER is ushered off the stage to make way for JOSH HUTCHERSON.

STANLEY TUCCI

So, Josh, what do you suppose your chances are, considering that it looks like your head has been stuck in a small box since puberty.

JOSH HUTCHERSON

Well, before I left, my mother told me she's pretty sure Jennifer's going to win. Then my sister called me --- --- and my dad said not to be sad ---. I can lift a bag of flour though, so pretty okay I guess.

STANLEY TUCCI

I see. And do you have a girlfriend back home, which is a question I didn't ask anyone else and have no reason to ask you?

JOSH HUTCHERSON

Well there's this girl I stare at all the time like that vampire guy from that popular franchise, but SHE CAME HERE WITH ME, WHAAAAAAT!

STANLEY TUCCI

Wow, ladies and gentlemen, what a twist! Our female protagonist is certainly facing a difficult moral quandary, trying to remain a sympathetic character while murdering innocent children including a boy with a crush on her in order to ensure her own survival! What do you think of that, distractingly weird-looking co-host Toby Jones?

TOBY JONES

Well Stanley, I think it would be a crushing disappointment if this complex, interesting ethical dilemma were gutlessly resolved by having Jennifer pretty much avoiding killing anyone due to increasingly preposterous contrivances including sudden, nonsensical rule changes outside of her influence!

LENNY KRAVITZ

OH MY --- I AM SO ---- BORED WHEN ARE THE KIDS GOING TO KILL EACH OTHER?!

ALL 24 OR 25 TRIBUTES are sent to fight to the death in THE DINING MAN.

EXT. NORTH CAROLINA FUTURISTIC WOODS OF DOOM

JENNIFER and JOSH wait in TUBES to be brought into the BATTLEFIELD. As they stand, completely still and tense with trepidation, the CAMERAMAN starts practicing his DANCE MOVES.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Um, nothing's even happening right now, why is the camera going ---? If we start out like this, we won't have anywhere to go when it's time for the actual hyperkinetic action--

THE FAMINE SHOW starts and KIDS begin KILLING THE --- --- each other as the CAMERAMAN tries to set a world record for CONSECUTIVE SOMERSAULTS.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Oh.

JOSH HUTCHERSON

Just make sure we don't show any of the deaths, the exact same teenage girls that apparently love to read about horrific violence couldn't possibly stand to actually watch it!

JENNIFER goes off and hides in the TREES while JOSH forms an alliance with A BUNCH OF ROTTEN -----.

Meanwhile, back on A SET RENTED FROM THE SYFY CHANNEL...

INT. GAME PLANNING ROOM

GAMEMAKER WES BENTLY briefly stops pondering his path from CFCA'S MOST PROMISING ACTOR IN 1999 ----- and turns his attention to MOLARBALL.

WES BENTLEY

Whoa whoa whoa, is she going off by herself to reflect on the meaning of this monstrous injustice in her society? Make her stop, throw fire at her!

UNPAID EXTRA

Instantly materializing huge amounts of fire, sir.

DONALD SUTHERLAND enters.

DONALD SUTHERLAND

Good work, Wes. It's not much of a commentary on whatever ---- this movie is supposed to be a commentary on unless the kids all murder each other. You know the one thing more powerful than fear?

WES BENTLEY

Love? Anger? A bulldozer?

DONALD SUTHERLAND

No, hope. And that's what we provide: hope that someday your kid will murder your neighbor's kid on television. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go shoot all my scenes for the sequels so I don't die before they can be made.

EXT. WOODS OF DESPAIR

JENNIFER escapes a FOREST FIRE and runs into EVIL ---- ALEXANDER LUDWIG, ISABELLE FUHRMAN, and JOSH HUTCHERSON. She climbs a tree to escape.

ALEXANDER LUDWIG

Grrr, can't tree climb! Need kill Jennifer!

ISABELLE FUHRMAN

---- I shot a single arrow at her and missed, we're clearly bested!

JOSH HUTCHERSON

Why don't we just all sit out here and go to sleep for a while? No kidding, this appears to be my actual suggestion.

ALEXANDER LUDWIG

Good is sleep, Jennifer killed tomorrow at!

While they are SLEEPING, JENNIFER drops a nest of LSD BEES on them and ESCAPES. Unfortunately, she's allergic ---- and hallucinates then passes out.

Days later...

AMANDLA STENBERG

Hello, you've been asleep for two days in the middle of an arena filled with people who want to kill you, the most violent of which are within walking distance. Luckily, you were found by the one nice person in here, so I put some leaves on you. Want to team up?

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Surely forming an alliance with the youngest and weakest participant will give me the edge I need, I'll do it. So where do the career tributes store their supplies? --- those guys are such dumb meanies.

AMANDLA STENBERG

They literally have a pyramid of supplies just down the river. Go check it out and I'll wait here so nothing terribly tragic happens to me.

JENNIFER hides in the BUSHES and scopes out the SUPPLIES. She notices they're surrounded by another classic weapon of medieval times, LANDMINES.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

--- what to do... oh hey, are those apples?! Every time I shoot an arrow at an apple, something good happens to me!

She shoots an APPLE, which causes all of the surrounding LANDMINES to simultaneously DETONATE, including the ones inexplicably buried directly underneath the CRUCIAL SUPPLIES!

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Hey Amandla, great news! There were apples to shoot!

Suddenly, JACK QUAID shows up and chucks a spear at AMANDLA just as JENNIFER shoots him!

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Amandla, no! This is totally super sad, I'm so gonna cry!

AMANDLA STENBERG

Jennifer, I know we've only had one scene together, but will you sing me a lullaby even though it makes you extremely vulnerable to attack by the group of scumbags whose supplies you just destroyed?

(dies)

JENNIFER LAWRENCE

Of course. Rock-a-bye tribute, dead on the floor, once this film's out, my offers will soar...

JACK QUAID

Hey, I'm just another innocent victim of circumstance, too. Having my own super sad death scene over here thanks to your arrow. Wanna come sing me a lullabye, too? No? I get to die ---? Cool.

(dies)

AMANDLA'S DEATH causes a REVOLT back in DISTRICT 11.

DISTRICT 11

Boo, you killed Amandla! We care exactly enough to riot when she dies, but not enough for anyone to volunteer to take her place when she's sent to die!

Suddenly, STANLEY TUCCI speaks to the remaining tributes over a TREESPEAKER.

Source: "The Hunger Games: The Abridged Script | The Editing Room." The Hunger Games: The Abridged Script | The Editing Room. N.p., n.d. Web. 11 Sept. 2013. .