In memory of Nicole Lewanski

Twenty-three
A
UTUMN
CREPT
UP
slowly, as the tree-lined streets of Surry Hills made their slow
transition from green to yellow. I got a text one morning from Eve to let me
know Candela had just come out of rehab.
Lucy and I went to her mother’s house later that day. Candela was in the
garden hosing the lawn when we arrived. She wore a pair of jeans and a Velvet
Underground T-shirt. “You look amazing,” I said and meant it. The last few
months had been good to her. She had put some weight back on, and her skin
had cleared up dramatically. She was looking like her old self again.
“They had us eating lots of fruits and veggies. All the boring shit. We weren’t
allowed to smoke, so I was climbing the walls. But it was worth it. I haven’t felt
this great in ages.”
We went into her bedroom, and she put a record in her old vinyl machine.
The crackling melody of “At Seventeen” filled the room. “Your bedroom is
exactly the same as when you left it,” said Lucy.
“Yeah, it’s a fucking museum. Still, it’s kind of nice being back here again. But
I’ll give it a week before Mum starts driving me crazy.”
Lucy threw a glance at me. “Well, you know that spare room we have? It’s a
little small, but there’s a bed under all that junk. It’s yours if you want it.”
“Yeah!” I agreed. “Why don’t you move in with us?”
Candela looked from me to Lucy, a smile slowly spreading across her face.
“Really? You don’t mind?”
“We’d love to have you,” said Lucy. “Truly.”
“Mum has set me up with a job, so I’ll be able to chip in for groceries and
stuff.” Her face was glowing.
“Then it’s settled, roomie!” I said.
A 
FEW
WEEKS
later, we had a small gathering at our house to welcome Candela.
“Candela looks great,” said Rad, as we sat in the courtyard with Freddy and

---

Lucy.
“Doesn’t she?” said Lucy. “Audrey and Candela are genetically blessed. I kind
of lucked out there, but at least I’ve got a great smile.”
“Babe, you’re gorgeous.” Freddy kissed her on the cheek with a loud smack.
“Aw, thanks, babe.”
Candela walked over, cigarette in hand. “Look at your little garden.” She
picked one of our gardenias and stuck it behind her ear. “Who knew you and
Lucy were such homemakers?”
“Wish they were just as good in the kitchen,” joked Freddy as Lucy slapped at
his hand.
Candela laughed. “Well, that’s probably where I’ll come in.”
T
HE
NEXT
FEW
weeks drifted by in a blissful haze. For once, everything was going
right in my life, and I was the happiest I had ever been. Candela brought a new
spark and energy to our house. She had a knack for cooking, a skill that Lucy and
I lacked, and our neglected kitchen was now humming and singing with the
sound of banging pot lids and the delicious aroma of freshly cooked meals.
Sam promoted me to senior journalist, which involved interviewing famous
authors and a bigger pay check. There was nothing I loved more than sharing a
cup of coffee with a writer who had years of wisdom to impart. I got along with
my coworkers, especially Trinh, who was always singing my praises to Sam. I had
a feeling she played a part in my promotion.
Things with Rad were better than I could have imagined. There was a magical
sense of discovery between us, like an archaeological dig. I loved the unraveling
and the undoing, as though we were peeling back through layers of skin and
muscle and tissue to peer into the very heart of our most authentic selves. The
bond we shared was so intrinsic, so deeply rooted, that I imagined it was always
there waiting for us to make the connection.
The only dark cloud to blot my perfect sky was the idea that at some point, I
had to tell Rad about Ana and my lie that ultimately drove her to end her own
life. Whenever this dawned on me, I sank into a state of despondency that
sometimes took days to shake off. During one of my sessions with Ida, I almost
revealed the lie. The truth, desperate to see the light, had made its way up from
the pit of my stomach to sit at the tip of my tongue, only to be swallowed back
down again.

---

O
NE
NIGHT
, L
UCY
and I were in the kitchen when Candela came out of her room
with a flat, rectangular box in her hand. “Look what I found under my bed.”
“What is it?” I asked.
Candela slid the box open to reveal a wooden carved Ouija board. “Oh shit,”
said Lucy, recoiling in horror. “I hate those things.”
“Oh, come on, Lucy,” Candela smiled. “I’ve joined in on a few séances before.
It’s fun.”
“Does it actually work?” I asked.
“Well,” said Candela, “one time when we asked if the spirits had a message for
anyone in the room, the pointer skittled across on its own and stopped at the
letter P. This girl Patricia just stared at it, white as a sheet.” Candela paused for
dramatic effect. “Then she fainted.”
Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door, and we all screamed in unison.
“Lucy, open up! I forgot my key again!” Freddy called out.
“Jeez.” Lucy let out a deep breath. “I forgot he was coming over tonight.”
F
REDDY
INSPECTED
THE
Ouija board with great interest, running his hands over
the lines and grooves. “We’ve got to give this a go.”
I glanced over at Lucy, who was very much dead set against it. “Not sure if
that’s a good idea, guys. Audrey?” She looked at me for support. I had to admit—
I was a little curious.
“Why not? What’s the worst that can happen?”
It took a few more minutes of cajoling to convince Lucy. Then we all
scrambled around the house, searching for candles. “Where should we do it?”
asked Freddy.
“Coffee table.” I cleared away some magazines and a tea-stained mug. Candela
put the board on the table, and we set the candles on ceramic plates, placing them
on the floor around the room.
When the candles were lit, we raced around the house switching off the lights,
then we assembled back in the lounge room. The atmosphere was a little
unnerving as the shadows cast by the flickering candlelight fell across the Ouija
board like a scene straight out of a horror movie. “Is anyone else having second
thoughts?” queried Lucy.
“Oh, come on, Lucy,” Candela said cheerfully. “We’ve gone to this much
effort already.”
We arranged ourselves around the coffee table and each put a finger on the

---

pointer.
“Is there anyone there?” Candela’s tone was somber. We held our breath for a
few seconds, and then it began to move. I looked up sharply. “Is anyone moving
it?”
“No,” they all echoed in unison. I watched mesmerized as the pointer spelled
out the word “yes”
 
in response to Candela’s question.
“Who is it?” Candela’s voice was a little shaky.
“Hey, I think we should stop, guys,” said Lucy nervously.
“Shhhh.” Freddy looked transfixed.
The pointer moved again and landed on the letter