The Source Book On Sikhism

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Women and other Relations

in Guru Granth Sahib

Pritpal Singh Bindra

It is quite evident that the women in the early medieval and Vedic periods were very well respected and accepted honourably in almost all walks of the life. In spite of the traces of the incantations for demeaning the influence of the co-wives and numerous wives of Indra, the Rig-Veda specifies wives to be the source of respectability in the society. It considers her to be a harbinger of good luck to the household. Her presence during the religious ceremonies, Havana etc., was considered to be a good omen.

The advent of Simirities, on one hand, no doubt, endowed respect to the female sex, but on the other they snatched away their independent status and autonomous existence; a woman, whether a child or a grown up, was deprived of her sovereignty. Manu Simiriti specifies that during childhood, a female is supposed to be under the protection of her father, after her marriage she is to abide by the wishes of her husband and when old, she was supposed to be subservient to her male progeny. She is termed as a drunkard, chronic sick, swindler of her husband, harsh in her eloquence, jealous of her husband and worth abandoning. In the Upanishads, she is termed as despicable and illusionary. They considered her just a machine constituted of flesh and bones.

Asceticism was dominating the society just before the advent of Guru Nanak. The Jogi ascetics adjudged the female as the root cause of all the ills faced by humanity.

The Holy Quran of Islam considers women just the tilth, the land under possession of men folks. Virtuous women are those who are obedient, and guard the secrets of their husbands with Allah’s protection. And as for those, on whose part you fear disobedience, admonish them and leave them alone in their beds and chastise them. Then, if they obey you, seek not a way against them.

For the first time since the pre-medieval times, through the Bani of Guru Granth Sahib, the voice was raised against the duplicity and belittling attitude towards woman. Guru Nanak could not digest the discriminatory behaviour of the people at large towards the female flock. It is Guru Granth Sahib, which established the female society as an integral and honoured segment of humanity. Why discard them when:

Within a woman the man is conceived and from woman he is born.

With a woman he is betrothed and married.

With a woman, man contracts friendship and with a woman the system of propagation keeps on.

When one’s wife dies, another lady is sought for.

It is through a woman that man restrains his passion.

Why call her bad, from whom are born the kings, etc., etc. (Asa M.1 Page 473)

Primarily, Sikhism is the religion of living life. It is, by meeting a pious person, one comes to know the perfect way: while laughing, playing and eating he gets emancipation. It embraces the prominence of the family values. Supreme Lord is ‘Thou art my father, Thou art my mother, Thou art my kinsman and thou art my brother’ and thus in all the places family protection is sought, and the fear and anxiety are not felt. In this great constitution of humanity and mankind, spirituality is gained through living among human beings instead of running away from them and seeking the True Name. True Name is among the True people and that is why Gurbani endows full honour to all the family relations. Father, mother, brothers, sisters, brothers, sons-in-law, daughters-in-law are endowed equal prominence. No relation is demeaned in any respect:

“Thou art my father, Thou art my mother,

Thou art my kinsman and Thou art my brother.” (Majh M.5 P.103)

And “The Lord of the world is my Beloved.

He is sweeter than the mother and father,

Among sisters, brothers and all the friends,

There is none like Thee, O Lord.” (Sri Rang M.5 P.73)

The love and affection for all the relations has been accepted in Gurbani, but the love of a devotee for Akalpurkh is considered to be the supreme:

“Neither remain stable, the sister, nor sister-in-law, nor the mother-in-law.

But O maids, the true relationship with the Lord, established by the Guru, splinters not.

I am a sacrifice unto my Guru and ever a sacrifice am I unto Him.

I have grown weary of wandering so far without the Guru.

Now the Guru has united me in the union of my spouse.

Fathers, sisters, mothers, the wife of husband’s younger brother and the wife of husband’s elder brother,

They come and go. They stay not but depart like the boatload of passengers.

The mother’s brother, his wife, brother, the father and mother remain not.

The crowds of those guests are loaded and there is a great rush at the river.

O my maids, my Husband is dyed with the true colour.

She, who lovingly remembers the True Lord, her Husband suffers not separation from Him.” (Maru M.1 P.1015)

Whereas mother and father have been acclaimed as wisdom and contentment respectively, modesty and understanding are associated with both the in-laws. The truthfulness comes through the brother and the wife is the epitome of good deeds:

“I make wisdom as my mother, contentment as my father, and truthfulness as my brother.....

Modesty and understanding have become two parents-in-law.

Good deeds, I have made and accepted, as my wife.” (Gauri Guareri M. 1 P.151-152)

Garhist, the householdership, gives rise to in progeny and endows prominence to family life. Leading through all the rituals and rites it leads to preserve the heritage from generation to generation. There, in a number of places in Guru Granth Sahib householder is accepted with much more respect than the asceticism, provided, “they hold fast the Name, charity and ablution, and remain awake in God’s meditation.” (Asa M. 1 P. 419)

Similarly “in family life, they (Householder) remain unattached (with worldly vice). When hearty love is established with God, then whatever the man does, that is pleasing to my Lord God.” (Gauri M. 4 P. 494)

“Those who remain wakeful obtain God, through the word of the Shabad, they conquer their ego. Immersed in family life, the Lord’s humble servant ever remains detached; he reflects upon the essence of spiritual wisdom.” (Sorath M. 1 P. 601)

These were just a few instances. There are more than two dozen stanzas in Guru Granth Sahib which directly deal with the criteria of householdership. I have tried my best to collect in my book, “Thus Sayeth Gurbani”, which, with Akalpurkh’s benevolence will be released here in a month's time.

The householdership does involve a great number of acts, rituals, and rites. To make Shabad, the word, of Guru Granth Sahib a part and parcel of human life, most of such performances have been mentioned in there. Most people reading Bani feel content with the physical meaning of those words, but in the quintessence the Bani is the embodiment of the relationship of human being with the Almighty.

Marriage in Guru Granth Sahib is the Union of Soul-bride with God-groom. And on the topic of Marriage alone I have picked up more than a dozen and a half quotations.

“The glory of her, whom her Spouse has embraced and blended with Himself, cannot be described. Eternal is her married life and unapproachable and unknowable is her Groom. O Nanak, Lord's love is her mainstay.” (Majh M. 5 P. 97)

These were just a few examples. To bring spirituality and temporal living, every facet of life is represented in Gurbani. Today, keeping myself in the limits of time, I have just considered the female aspect. There are about twenty-nine quotations throwing light on the aspects of Marriage and Married Life. In sixteen, the characteristics of a suhagan, the married woman, are depicted. In addition, there is no dearth of holy hymns throwing light on Happy Women, Wicked Wife, Another’s Wife (Par Istry), An Adulteress, Bride, etc.

It won’t be inappropriate if I say that Guru Granth Sahib is the greatest manual for social enlightenment. It enlightens the humanity with vices, which cause human degradations.

Thank you.