How to Have a Good Day: Harness the Power of Behavioral Science to Transform Your Working Life pdfdrive com

Part I
, agrees. “In the heat of the
moment, one thing that reliably stops me from losing my cool is acknowledging
what’s bubbling up inside me. If I’m sitting in a meeting and someone’s made a
crass comment, or someone’s denying responsibility for something they’ve
done, I say to myself: ‘This is annoying. You’re right to be annoyed. Let’s deal
with it later.’ So I acknowledge the feeling in my mind, but park it to think about
later on. That often gets me through the moment.”
What you’ll notice about both Bartek and Doug is that they’re not using affect
labeling to wallow in their negative emotions. They’re keeping it crisp and using
it as a mental stepping-stone toward thinking more clearly about solutions.
That’s the approach you want to take, too. Here are some things to try:
Writing it down.
Write a sentence or two about how you’re feeling, and
what’s causing those feelings (“I feel irritated/upset/let down right now
because…”). You might also want to refer back to the list of common triggers
in 
Chapter 9
, to see if it helps you to label what’s causing your feelings. Then
review what you’ve written, without judging it. Finally, ask yourself, “Now
what’s the right thing to do?”
Structured venting.
If you find it helpful to talk to co-workers or friends
about what’s winding you up, ask them to hold back on giving advice until
you’ve articulated what you’re feeling and what’s causing that feeling. It’s
not hard to do this informally by simply saying: “Can I just get this off my
chest?” With a close friend, you might be even more explicit: “I don’t need
you to solve anything just yet. I just need you to nod and say, ‘How
terrible.’
”
Calling it out.
Next time you’re in a meeting where tension is obvious, try
saying out loud: “This is feeling tough right now, isn’t it? What can we do
differently?” It’s almost inevitable that the group will give a collective sigh of

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relief as your acknowledgment allows everyone’s brain to calm down. And
you’ll be much better able to move forward from that point.
As the crisis unfolded in Bartek’s company, he encouraged people to talk
openly about what was going on. “I got us all in a room to talk about what had
happened. I asked people what they were most worried about. At first we talked
about what would happen to the product line and so on. But eventually someone
cleared their throat and said what was really on their mind: ‘I’m worried about
my job.’ And then everyone opened up, including me.” Bartek and his
colleagues did not lose their jobs—in fact, his ability to turn around the situation
impressed everyone. But in the heat of the moment, as he says, “just talking
about our most basic fears really helped.”