I could feel rage rising from the pit of my stomach. “How about
the hearts our father is
breaking?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t you get it? Our father arranged this marriage just to please Shams and make sure he
doesn’t run away again! He offered Kimya to him on a silver tray.”
My brother pursed his lips, looking hurt. “I know what you are thinking, but you are wrong. You
think this is a forced marriage,” he said, “whereas it was Kimya who wanted to marry Shams.”
“As if she had a choice in the matter,” I snapped.
“Oh, God! Don’t you understand?” my brother exclaimed, lifting both
palms up as though asking
help from God. “She is in love with Shams.”
“Don’t say that again. That is not true.” My voice cracked like thawing ice.
“My brother,” Sultan Walad said, “please don’t let your feelings veil your eyes. You are jealous.
But even jealousy can be used in a constructive way and serve a higher purpose. Even disbelief
can be positive. It is one of the rules. Rule Number Thirty-five: In this world, it is not similarities
or regularities
that take us a step forward, but blunt opposites. And all the opposites in the
universe are present within each and every one of us. Therefore the believer needs to meet the
unbeliever residing within. And the nonbeliever should get to know the silent faithful in him.
Until the day one reaches the stage of Insan-i Kâmil, the perfect human being, faith is a gradual
process and one that necessitates its seeming opposite: disbelief.
That was the last straw for me.
“Look here, I’m sick of all this syrupy Sufi talk. Besides, why should I listen to you? It’s all your
fault! You could have left Shams in Damascus. Why did you bring him back? If
things get
messy, and I am sure they will, you are the one who is responsible.”
My brother gnawed the insides of his mouth with a look that verged on fearfulness. I realized in
that instant that for the first time in our lives he was frightened of me and the things I was
capable of doing. It was a bizarre feeling, but strangely comforting.
As I walked to Irshad’s house, taking the side streets that reeked of foul smells so that nobody
would
see me cry, I could think of only one thing: Shams and Kimya sharing the same bed. The
thought of him taking her wedding dress off and touching her milky skin with his rough, ugly
hands was revolting. My stomach was tied in knots.
I knew that a line had been crossed. Somebody had to do something.