Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Taking care of children is one of the most complex jobs and some people think that parents should be forced to take parenting classes. While I accept that it is helpful for parents to take those courses, I believe that it should not be compulsory. (Good introduction, effective paraphrasing)

On the one hand, there are many benefits of taking parenting classes. Firstly, they help parents to build communication skills with their children so that parents can learn how to interact with them. Secondly, they teach moms and dads (these are informal words; don’t use them in your essays) some basic things during rising up (upbringing of) their children, such as working with your partner or taking advice from those in parenting classes. Finally, they help you to manage your emotions in different situations. For example, there are some times when your children may not understand you or do not want to communicate with you and in this case, parenting class helps you to relieve stress and to find a solution.

On the other hand, I believe that this (what?) should not be obligatory. Parents have their own parents, friends, relatives who can give advice about what to do. So (Therefore/Thus), parents can simply ask anything that they do not understand in the process of rising up their child (how can many parents have one child? Use ‘children’) instead of taking parenting classes. Also, they can free up most of their time, which is spent on taking courses, to better their social skills with their children or toddler (redundant). So, this (it) is not necessary to make them compulsory.

In conclusion, although parenting classes play a key role in rising up a child, I believe that parents can deal with the problems they face without the help of them.

(269 words)

Introduction
I liked your intro. Good job!


Body paragraphs

• 
  If you use ‘help’, there is no need to use ‘to’. Just say ‘they help parents build ….’
  
• 
  “Rising up” is a wrong word choice. Look at the definition of the word. Instead, “bringing up” or “upbringing” are more effective and appropriate.
  
• 
  Don’t use pronouns like ‘you, we’. They are too specific.
  
• 
  In your example sentence, write “there are some times when children may not understand or do not want to communicate with their parents and in this case, parenting class can help parents relieve stress and find a solution”. Avoid using ‘you’.
  
• 
  At the beginning sentence of a new paragraph, don’t use referencing like ‘this, that, those’. Write them fully. For example, if you are referring to parenting classes by ‘this’, write ‘parenting classes’ fully.
  
• 
  Using ‘so, but, or’ at the beginning of a sentence is awkward, I’d say. Instead, use ‘therefore, however, alternatively’. These are more formal and appropriate.
  
• 
  Ideas you used can be more fully extended. Try to elaborate on your ideas and support them with more reliable examples.
  
• 
  In your first body paragraph, you overused the linking words. If you noticed, every sentence in that paragraph begins with a linking phrase. Avoid this!
  
• 
  You repeated the word ‘children’ many times. Try to use synonyms or make paraphrasing. I’d use “offspring” as a synonym.
  
• 
  No grammar mistakes. Good!
  
• 
  Your lexical resource score would be higher if you didn’t use “rise up”.
  

Conclusion
Good conclusion. Nice!


Your estimated score:
TR 6.0, CC 7.0, LR 6.0, GRA 7.0+ = 6.5