By Jen Sincero Published by Running Press

3. GET RID OF YOUR STORIES
Once  you  know  what  the  beast  looks  like,  you  can  slay  it.  Take  your  list  of
“can’ts” and “shoulds” and “I nevers,” etc., and write stream of consciousness
in  a  journal  (see  example  below),  and  really  feel  in  your  body  what  you’re
getting from these old limiting beliefs such as: “I feel special, I feel safe, I get
to  live  with  my  parents  and  never  get  a  job,”  etc.  Make  a  list  of  these  false
rewards.  Really  push  yourself  to  get  them  all  on  to  the  page.  Then  feel  the
attention the specialness or the comfort or the safety or whatever your trip is
and really become clear on it. Catch yourself fully in the act and feel it all the
way through.
Now look at your list of false rewards for what they really are: scared little
parts  of  yourself  acting  out.  Thank  them  for  trying  to  protect  you  and  for
keeping you company, but tell them it’s time to run along now.
Then, replace the feelings you got from these false rewards with the feelings
of joy and power and excitement that stepping into who you truly are and who
you’re now becoming will bring.
Imagine  that  childish  version  of  yourself  leaving  your  body  and  the
powerful adult stepping in. Breathe in the adult; breathe out the kid and the old
story. It’s like finally taking the keys to the Ferrari back from the seven-year-

---

old version of yourself who’s been driving it all this time, nearly getting you
killed.  See  yourself  as  the  adult  stepping  in  to  take  your  place  behind  the
wheel.
Keep envisioning (or writing down) what it looks and feels like to have the
real, adult you replace your old childhood story. Feel it. Get excited by it. Then
make the decision that you’re ready to change and take positive action in the
direction you want to go.
For example, let’s say that lonely-hearted Sally finally got fed up enough to
get  mighty  real  with  herself  and  face  her  issues  around  relationships.  She’d
start by getting clear on what her stories are:
I can’t meet a man because there aren’t any good ones left.
I suck at flirting.
I never know what to say to men.
I’m not attractive to men. Not the good ones anyway.
I scare men away.
I don’t trust men.
I don’t believe there really is anyone out there for me.
Once she’s got her list (which could easily go on for pages, BTW, but for the
sake of example, and because I’d like to leave the house today, we’ll stick with
these), Sally can stream of consciousness journal about the false rewards she’s
getting. And by stream of consciousness I mean just let it flow, don’t edit or
overthink  it  too  much,  just  write.  In  Sally’s  case,  her  journaling  could  look
like:
By  saying  there  aren’t  any  good  men  out  there  I  don’t  have  to  take
responsibility for why I’m not meeting any. I get to feel victimized and right for
staying  single.  I  get  to  prove  how  lame  men  are  by  never  being  with  a  good
one.  My  pain  of  feeling  unworthy  and  my  mistrust  of  men  get  proven  right
when  I  stay  single.  I  feel  like  I  know  what  I’m  doing  and  in  control  by  not
letting anyone get close to me. I feel free. I feel safe. I feel special because I get
attention for breaking the rules.
Again, this could go on for pages but you get the idea.

---

Once she’s gotten all her false rewards on the page, Sally can then focus on
them, feel them all the way through, thank them for trying to protect her (we
don’t want to turn this into a self-loathing exercise please) and release them by
replacing them with new, powerful stories. She can literally take each one and
replace it with a new truth. For example:
By  saying  there  aren’t  any  good  men  out  there  I  don’t  have  to  take
responsibility for why I’m not meeting any.
Then becomes:
The world is filled with awesome, loving men, and I am fully capable of, and
so excited to find me a good one.
I get to feel victimized and right for staying single.
Then becomes:
I am powerful and in control of my life. I choose to love and be loved.
I get to prove how lame men are by never being with a good one.
Then becomes:
I love and trust men and am so thrilled to be with an awesome guy who makes
me giddy with happiness.
These new stories become her new truth, and in order to make them stick, she
focuses  on  them,  breathes  them  in  and  feels  how  happy  they  make  her  feel.
These  stories  are  her  new  affirmations  (remember  those?)  that  she  will  not
only write down and repeat and bombard herself with over and over and over,
but that she will instantly replace her old stories with if they should fly out of
her mouth or into her mind out of habit.
Let’s review, shall we?
1. List off your old stories that you’ve gotten into the habit of thinking
and saying.

---

2. Journal about the false rewards you get from them.
3. Feel into these false rewards, thank them for their help, and decide to
let them go.
4. Take each false reward and write a new, powerful story to replace it
with.
5. Repeat this new story, or affirmation, over and over and over until it
becomes your truth.
6. Behold your awesome new life.
Nothing in this world is permanent, including our stories. Yet we try to hold
on  to  them  for  false  security,  which  ultimately  leads  to  sorrow  and  loss.  Be
willing to let go. Keep reinventing your story as you continue to grow.