how my correspondents think about their messages to me. The
default social convention surrounding e-mail is that unless you’re
famous, if someone sends you something, you owe him or her a
response. For most, therefore, an inbox full of messages generates a
major sense of obligation.
By instead resetting your correspondents’ expectations to the
reality that you’ll probably
not respond, the experience is
transformed. The inbox is now a collection of opportunities that you
can glance at when you have the free time—seeking out those that
make sense for you to engage. But the pile of unread messages no
longer generates a sense of obligation. You could, if you wanted to,
ignore them all, and nothing bad would happen. Psychologically, this
can be freeing.
I worried when I first began using a sender filter that it would
seem pretentious—as if my time was more valuable than that of my
readers—and that it would upset people. But this fear wasn’t realized.
Most people easily accept the idea that you have a right to control
your own incoming communication, as they would like to enjoy this
same right. More important, people appreciate clarity. Most are okay
to not receive a response if they don’t expect one (in general, those
with a minor public presence, such as authors, overestimate how
much people really care about their replies to their messages).
In some cases, this expectation reset might even earn you
more
credit when you do respond. For example, an editor of an online
publication once sent me a guest post opportunity with the
assumption, set by my filter, that I would likely not respond. When I
did, it proved a happy surprise. Here’s her summary of the
interaction:
So, when I emailed Cal to ask if he wanted to contribute to
[the publication], my expectations were set. He didn’t have
anything on his [sender filter] about wanting to guest blog, so
there wouldn’t have been any hard feelings if I’d never heard a
peep. Then, when he did respond, I was thrilled.
My particular sender filter is just one example of this general
strategy. Consider consultant Clay Herbert, who is an expert in
running crowd-funding campaigns for technology start-ups: a
specialty that attracts a lot of correspondents hoping to glean some
helpful advice. As a Forbes.com article on sender filters reports, “At
some point, the number of people reaching out exceeded [Herbert’s]
capacity, so he created filters that put the onus on the person asking
and is an idea whose time has come—at least for the increasing
number of entrepreneurs and freelancers who both receive a lot of
incoming communication and have the ability to dictate their
accessibility. (I’d also love to see similar rules become ubiquitous for
intra-office communication in large organizations, but for the reasons
argued in Chapter 2, we’re probably a long way from that reality.) If
you’re in a position to do so, consider sender filters as a way of
reclaiming some control over your time and attention.
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