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We all shush each other. Her eyes are sad as she reads.
A duck goes
into a chemist s to buy some lipstick. The chemist says, “That s fifty-nine
pence.” The duck says, “Thank you, could you put it on my bill please?”
Cal explodes with laughter. He throws himself off his chair onto the
floor and waves his legs about. Sally s pleased, reads the joke out again.
It
is
funny. It starts as a ripple in my belly, then moves up to my mouth.
Sally
laughs too, a great gulping sound. She looks surprised to make such a
noise, which makes Mum, Dad and Adam start to chuckle. It s such a relief.
Such a bloody relief. I can t remember the last time I laughed out loud.
Tears roll down my cheeks. Adam passes me his napkin across the table.
Here. His fingers brush mine.
I wipe my eyes. Upstairs, upstairs. I want to run my hands along you.
And I m just about to say it out loud, just about to say, ve got something
for you, Adam, but
it s in my bedroom, so you ll have to come and get it,
when there s a rap on the window.
It s Zoey, her face pressed against the glass, like Mary in the
Christmas story. She wasn t supposed to be here until tea time, and her
parents were meant to be coming with her.
She brings in the cold. She stamps her feet on the carpet in front of us
all. Merry Christmas, everyone, she says.
Dad raises his glass to her and wishes her the same. Mum gets up and
gives her a hug.
Zoey says, Thank you. Then she bursts into tears.
Mum gets her a chair and some tissues. From somewhere two mince
pies appear with a large dollop of brandy butter. Zoey
shouldn t really have
alcohol, but maybe the butter doesn t count.
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When I looked through the window, she sniffs, it looked like
something from an advert. I nearly went home.
Dad says, What s going on, Zoey?
She stuffs a spoonful of pie and brandy butter into her mouth, chews
quickly, then swallows it down. What do you want to know?
Whatever you want to tell us.
Well, my nose is stuffed up and I feel like crap. Do you want to know
about that?
That s
caused by an increase in HCG, I tell her. It s the pregnancy
hormone. There s a moment s silence around the table as everyone looks
at me. I read it in the Reader s Digest.
m not sure I should have said this out loud. I forgot that Adam, Cal
and Sally don t even know Zoey s pregnant. None of them say anything
though, and Zoey doesn t seem to mind, just shoves another load of pie
into her mouth.
Dad says, Has something happened at home, Zoey?
She carefully reloads her spoon. ve told my parents.
You told them today? He sounds surprised.
She wipes her mouth with her sleeve. It may have been bad timing.
What did they say?
They said a million things, all of them terrible. They hate me.
Everyone hates me in fact. Except for the baby.
Cal grins. You re having a baby?
Yeah.
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I bet it s a boy.
She shakes her head at him. I don t want a boy.
Dad says, But you do want a baby? He says this very gently.
Zoey hesitates, as if she s thinking about this for the very first time.
Then
she smiles at him, her eyes watery and amazed. I ve never seen such
a look on her face before. Yes, she says. I really think I do. I m going to
call her Lauren.
She s nineteen weeks pregnant, her baby is fully formed and weighs
roughly two hundred and forty grammes. If it were born now, it would fit
into the palm of my hand. Its stomach would be pink-veined and
transparent.
If I spoke, it would hear me.
I say, ve put your baby on my list. I probably shouldn t have said
this out loud either. I didn t really mean to. Once again, everyone stares at
me.
Dad reaches out a hand and touches mine across the table. Tessa, he
says.
I hate that. I shrug him off. I want to be there.
Zoey says, It s another five months, Tess.
So? That s only a hundred and sixty days. But if you don t want me
there, I can sit outside and maybe come in afterwards. I want to be one of
the first people in the world to ever hold her.
She stands up and walks round the table. She
wraps her arms around
me. She feels different. Her tummy s gone all hard and she s very hot.
Tessa, she says, I
want
you to be there.
