Again, But Better

I
brought us here’ theory, that’s bullshit. 
We
brought us here. I’m not
ready to go yet.” I spin in an angry circle, throwing my hands up and
letting them fall to my sides. “Are you living your best life? What are
you dying to go back to? Your job? Amy?”
He squeezes his eyes shut for a second. “Why are you dying to
stay? Are you that afraid to break up with your boyfriend?” he blurts.
“Are you?” I growl.
“What?” he shoots back in confusion.
“Clear this up for me: Our first day here, we went on that walk
together, you remember?”
Pilot’s lips grind together in annoyance. “Please, just hand over the
button, Shane.”
“Do you remember?” I repeat.
More glaring.
“We almost kissed that first night, and you said nothing about a
girlfriend. We talked for over an hour by ourselves, and then we stayed
up with the rest of the flat playing games and you said nothing.
“We were together the entire next day, you said nothing. We went
out together again the day after that and you said nothing. It wasn’t till
that night that Atticus, 
not you
, brought up the fact that you had a
girlfriend at all! 
And
when we were surprised, you said you’d only
been dating for three months, that 
you were going to see what
happened
! Who says they’re going to see what happens when they’re
in love with the person they’re seeing?” I yell the last few words.
His expression goes blank. “You’re making a scene, Shane.”
“What happened to seeing what happened? Did something change?
Six years later, are you guys in love yet?”
His lips twitch.

---

“We have a reset button that will erase this and bring us back to the
point where we started. A literal fail-safe switch. Why would we use it
already? We get a second chance to do life, and we’re going to waste it
five days in? What are you so afraid of? Take a risk, Pilot! Make a
change! Break awa—”
“You’re yelling a Kelly Clarkson song,” he interrupts.
I stop short and swallow. “I didn’t mean for that to turn into a
Kelly Clarkson song. Why do you even know that song?”
“Everyone knows that song.”
“Well, she’s says some good, poignant stuff in it—” I cut off as
Pilot takes a step closer. I stumble backward. “Hey!”
He raises his hands in surrender. “Can I just see the button,
please?”
“No,” I respond automatically.
“Please, just let me see it with my eyes.” His arms flop to his sides.
“Shane,” he says gently, “I promise I’m not going to press it right
now.”
I suck in a slow breath, trying to relocate a semblance of calm. “I’ll
let you see it if you let me hold it,” I tell him, raising my button hand
and holding it out.
“Shane, I can’t see it with you holding it. It’s too far away—” I
shove it toward him at the same time he takes a step forward, and he
rams face-first into my hand.
“Sorry!” I blurt as he exclaims, “Jesus!” He briefly touches a hand
to his forehead and retreats a step.
“Sorry,” I repeat sheepishly.
A small smile plays at his lips now. “Can I just…” He steps
forward and carefully takes my wrist, holding it steady. My skin heats
at the contact. I imagine glitter seeping up my arm.
I’m not quite sure why this feeling amounts to glitter. It’s like my
skin’s sparkling.
His head tilts from left to right as he reads the poem. Finally, he
looks back up at me with wide eyes. “The adventure gained will be
lost? So, we won’t remember any of this?”
I nod. “That’s what it sounds like.” He holds my gaze for a
moment.

---

“Okay.” He lets go and stuffs his hands into his pockets. I bring the
medallion back to my side.
“Okay what?” I ask quietly.
“Okay, let’s hold off on the reset,” he says simply.
“You want to hold off on the reset?”
“That’s what I just said.”
“No, you just said, ‘Let’s hold off on the reset.’ Do 
you
want to
hold off on it?”
“Let’s hold off,” he says quietly.
“Okay … I want to hold on to this thing, okay?” I add softly.
He nods. “Okay. Should we make a rule?”
I quirk an eyebrow. “What kind of rule?”
“We can’t press it without the other’s knowledge; we have to
discuss it beforehand.”
I nod. “Sounds good.”
“Shall we rejoin Babe and Sahra, and do Rome?” he suggests.
I scuff at the ground, processing. “I guess that would be
appropriate … We left without paying for our food.”
“Oh shit.” He laughs.
I carefully stash the medallion in my cross-body, inside the tiny
zipper area inside the main section of the purse, for safekeeping.

---

“What the heck was that in your food?” Babe asks as she
uncaps her lipstick in front of the mirror.
“Um, it was like a coin or something. I dropped it outside.”
“Oh my goodness, that’s insane! You’re okay, right?”
“I’m fine,” I insist with a smile.
“And things are okay with you and Pilot?”
“Yeah, we talked. It’s going to be fine.”
“What does that mean? Is he ending things with Amy?”
She pulls a towel from the dispenser and uses it to blot her
lipstick.
I swallow. “I don’t know, but I promise, I’ll fill you in
when I can.”
She pops her lips, makes eye contact through the mirror,
and nods. “Okay.”
On our way back to the table, she recaps how Sahra yelled
at our waiter and got all our meals for free because I almost
choked on something in my food and got sick outside.
The overall mood of the group picks up exponentially now
that Pilot’s not completely distracted, and I’m not moping
around like I got coal for Christmas. Pilot resumes his role of
Map Man and leads us through Rome. I let my hair fall around
my shoulders. I pull out my little, super-old digital camera and

---

start taking pictures. I giggle and converse with Babe and
Sahra. I feel a thousand times lighter.
When we stroll into the Pantheon, Pilot stops short at the
threshold and throws his arms out in a 
T
. “Wait! Guys.” We all
stop short. “Remember how Robert Langdon came here in 
The
Da Vinci Code
?” he announces with exaggerated enthusiasm.
Sahra takes him seriously. “I never read it.”
“Nope,” Babe says as she strolls off after Sahra to inspect
one of the niches against the wall.
I mash my lips into a line, trying not to appear amused.
“Ha-ha,” I mutter. He shoots me a mischievous look that
makes my heart do somersaults, before strolling away toward
one of the niches.
Sunday, we go back to the Vatican. I’m the first to burst out
onto the balcony at the top of the endless staircase. When I
find an open spot, I grab hold of the railing and step up as
close as I can.
Pilot comes up on my right. “This was the coolest thing we
climbed.”
“Agreed, it was definitely my favorite.” I grin out at the
sea of red rooftops.
After a moment, a mass of my hair shifts. I turn, to find
Pilot tucking it behind my ear. His face is so close. My chest
aches as I pull back, searching his eyes.
“Pilot, what are you doing?” I ask.
“I don’t know.” He swallows. “I couldn’t see your face.
Sorry, it wasn’t on purpose,” he mumbles.
I catch his eyes. “Hey, Pies.”
There’s an unfamiliar diffidence in his expression.
“I don’t want this to happen again until you break up with
past Amy. If we’re going to try this, I want to try it for

---

realsies.” 
Why did I just say for realsies?
Pilot nods, looking serious now. “I’m sorry,” he breathes.
He runs a hand down his face and walks away.
Pilot keeps to himself the rest of the trip.

---