Again, But Better

Leo
I’m gay.
If I were holding the computer, I would have dropped it.
Shane
But you’re always talking about 
girls you’ve had sex with?!
Back in high school he hooked up with the cheerleading
captain in my year when he was still a junior! He’s played
along and laughed when my other cousin Anthony has made
cracks about me probably being a lesbian.
Leo
I’ve been with the guy for 
almost a year, but he got tired 
of living in the fucking 
shadows. But if my dad found 
out, he would kick me out of 
the house. I know just how the 
conversation would go. I’d tell 
him I’m gay and he’d say: “No, 
you’re not.” There’d be an 

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awkward pause. I’d repeat 
myself, and he’d tell me to get 
out. And then, like, the guys … 
Alfie, Anthony, Vincent, 
Matt—I’d be exiled at every 
family gathering.
My vision blurs because I can hear Uncle Dan saying
exactly that. How many homophobic remarks has he had to
endure from Uncle Dan over the years? How long has he been
struggling with this alone? Was all that stuff he’d said about
dating girls through high school a way to protect himself? I
heave in a breath.
Shane
Aflie, Anthony, Vincent, 
Matt … they love you. Finding 
out you like dudes is not going 
to change that. Maybe it’ll take 
a second to process, but you 
won’t lose them. You’re not 
going to lose me. Uncle Dan 
and everyone with an issue will 
have to evolve.
Leo
I can’t bring myself to do shit 
right now. I stopped going to 
class. I’m going to lose my 
scholarship.
Jesus. My heart constricts. Is he out in 2017 to his friends?
Was he dealing with depression? Did he ever talk to a
counselor or something? Do Uncle Dan and Aunt Marie know
now? Is that why 2017 Mom never talks about him? Did Uncle
Dan exile him? Do they never talk about him? I wipe at my
cheeks.

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