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It suddenly crossed Tengo’s mind that back then, Aomame might have entrusted
the moon with her feelings. She and the moon might have reached a kind of secret
agreement. Her gaze at the moon contained something frighteningly serious that could
stir the imagination this way.
Tengo had no idea, of course, what Aomame had offered to the moon that time, but
he could well imagine what the moon had given her: pure solitude and tranquillity.
That was the best thing the moon could give a person.
Tengo paid his bill and walked out of the Barleyhead. Then he looked up at
the sky
but could not find the moon. The sky was clear, and the moon should be up, but it
could not be seen from street level with buildings all around. Hands thrust in his
pockets, Tengo walked from one street to the next, looking for the moon. He wanted
to go someplace with an open field of vision, but finding such a place in a
neighborhood like Koenji was no easy matter. The area was so flat that finding even a
slight incline involved a major effort, and there were no hills at all. The best place
might be the roof of a tall building with a view in all directions, but he couldn’t see
the kind of building in the area that let people up to the roof.
As he went on walking around aimlessly, Tengo
recalled that there was a
playground nearby, one that he often passed on walks. It was not a large playground,
but it probably had a slide. If he climbed that, he should be able to have a better view
of the sky. It wasn’t a tall slide, but the view should be better than from street level.
He headed for the playground. His watch hands were pointing to nearly eight o’clock.
There was no one in the playground. A tall mercury-vapor lamp stood in the
middle, illuminating every corner of the place. There was a large zelkova tree, its
leaves still thick and luxuriant. There were several low shrubs, a water fountain, a
bench, swings, and a slide. There was also a public toilet, but it had been locked by a
worker at sunset, perhaps to keep vagrants out. During the daytime, young mothers
brought their children who were not yet
old enough for kindergarten, and kept up their
lively chattering while the children played. Tengo had observed such scenes any
number of times. Once the sun went down, however, almost no one visited this place.
Tengo climbed the slide and, still standing, looked up at the night sky. A new six-
story condo stood on the north side of the park. He had never noticed it before. It must
have been built quite recently. It blocked the northern sky like a wall. Only low
buildings stood on the other three sides of the playground. Tengo turned to scan the
area and found the moon in the southwest, hanging over an old two-story house. It
was about three-quarters full.
Just like the moon of twenty years ago
, Tengo thought.
Exactly the same size and shape. A complete coincidence. Probably
.
But this bright moon, hanging in the early-autumn night sky,
had sharp, clear
outlines and the introspective warmth characteristic of this season. The impression it
gave was very different from that of the moon at three thirty in the December
afternoon sky. Its calm, natural glow had the power to soothe and heal the heart like
the flow of clear water or the gentle stirring of tree leaves.
Standing on the very top of the slide, Tengo looked up at that moon for a very long
time. From the direction of Ring Road 7 came the blended sound of different-sized
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tires, like the roar of the sea. All at once the sound reminded Tengo of the sanatorium
where his father was staying on the Chiba shore.
The city’s earthly lights blotted out the stars as always. The sky was nice and clear,
but only a few stars were visible, the very bright ones that twinkled as pale points here
and there. Still, the moon stood out clearly against the sky. It
hung up there faithfully,
without a word of complaint concerning the city lights or the noise or the air
pollution. If he focused hard on the moon, he could make out the strange shadows
formed by its gigantic craters and valleys. Tengo’s mind emptied as he stared at the
light of the moon. Inside him, memories that had been handed down from antiquity
began to stir. Before human beings possessed fire or tools or language, the moon had
been their ally. It would calm people’s fears now and then by illuminating the dark
world like a heavenly lantern. Its waxing and waning gave people an understanding of
the concept of time. Even now, when darkness had been banished from most parts of
the world, there remained a sense of human gratitude toward the moon and its
unconditional compassion. It was imprinted upon human genes like a warm collective
memory.
Come to think of it, I haven’t looked hard at the moon like this for a very long
while
, Tengo thought.
When could the last time have been? Living one hectic day
after another in the city, you tend to look down at the ground. You forget to even look
at the night sky
.
It was then that Tengo realized there was another moon hanging in the sky. At
first, he thought it might be an optical illusion, a mere trick of light rays, but the more
he looked at it, the surer he became that there was a second moon with solid outlines
up there. His mind went blank as he stared in its direction, open-mouthed.
What am I
seeing?
He could not make up his mind. The outline and the substance refused to
overlap, as when word and concept fail to cohere.
Another moon?
He closed his eyes,
opened his palms, and rubbed his cheeks.
What’s wrong with
me? I didn’t drink that much
. He drew in a long, quiet breath and then quietly
expelled it. He checked to be sure his mind was clear.
Who am I? Where am I now?
What am I doing?
he asked himself in the darkness behind his closed eyelids.
It’s
September 1984, I’m Tengo Kawana, I’m in a playground in Koenji in Suginami
Ward, and I’m looking up at the moon in the night sky. No doubt about it
.
Then he slowly opened his eyes and looked at the sky again, carefully, his mind
calm, but still there were two moons.
This is no illusion. There are two moons
. Tengo balled his hand into a fist and kept
it that way for a long time.
The moon was as taciturn as ever. But it was no longer alone.