Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

 deserves
them. The man who is willing to put in the time and meet the 
requirements is the one you want to stick around, because that 
guy is making a conscious decision that he, too, has no interest 
in playing games and will do what it takes to not only stay on 
the job, but also get promoted and be the proud beneficiary of 
your benefits. And you, in the meantime, win the ultimate 
prize of maintaining your dignity and self-esteem, and earning 
the respect of the man who recognized that you were worth the 
wait.

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Of course, you’ve got to use your ninety days wisely; a pro-
bationary period means nothing if you’re not putting this guy 
through the paces. During that ninety-day period, you should 
be checking him out—does he come when he says he’s going to 
come; does he call when he’s going to be late; does he like and 
care about your friends and, if you have them, your children; 
does he express his joy at being in your presence? Most impor-
tant, is this really a man with whom you can see yourself in a 
committed relationship? Or do you see signs that make your 
God-given intuition kick in? You know how it goes: you 
haven’t been invited over to his house, you only have the cell 
phone number, he won’t answer his phone when you’re in the 
room or he takes hushed calls in the corner where you can’t 
hear what’s being said—he tells you he’s dating other women, 
or, somehow, you just know he is. These are tendencies you 
can’t possibly see in a man you’ve dated for less than ninety days 
because guess what? The guy who is dating you just to get the 
benefits up front is going to be on his best behavior in the be-
ginning, specifically so he can make you think he’s worthy. But 
just as sure as time is going to come and go, he’ll eventually 
show his true nature.
Give it at least ninety days, and you can smoke all of that out 
of him, so that you can be sure that this guy is the right man for 
you. After all, it’s your right to want what you want—and to 
actually get it. Put yourself first: ask the five questions (as men-
tioned in the previous chapter), withhold the benefits, and 
demand the respect. If you have a high level of respect for your-

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self, you’re automatically going to command that respect from 
a man. Make him qualify for the benefits, and I guarantee you’ll 
have a better man on your hands—and in your bed. And once 
you’re satisfied he’s worthy of the benefits, you can pass it out 
like sandwiches at a picnic.
Hold on, I know what you’re thinking: you’re thinking that 
if he doesn’t get sex from you, he’ll go and get it somewhere 
else, and you will have lost out on that one chance to get him 
to be your man—or he’ll think you’re playing games if you 
make him wait, and he’ll move on to the next woman who’s 
willing to take him into her bed.
Wrong.
In fact, one of those mind tricks we’ve been playing on 
women since the beginning of time is to convince you all that 
waiting doesn’t matter, that giving it up early and quick is the 
way to go. Listen to me: if we could convince you that you 
should strip naked and get to it within the first five minutes of 
our first meeting, we would. This is not a secret: men love and 
want sex, and will try (within reason) to get it by any means 
necessary.
But guess what? He. Can. Wait. Yes, of course you run the 
risk of scaring him off, but isn’t the guy who sleeps with you 
without any obligation to you, or consideration of your wants, 
needs, and emotional well-being, the one you 
want 
to go away? 
Isn’t reserving something that special for a man who earns it 
more of a benefit