Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

some-
thing
about you when he first walked up to you, and you need 
to know what it is. He was attracted to something—he liked 
your hair, your eyes, your legs, your outfit. He didn’t walk over 
there just to be walking. Beyond the initial attraction, however, 
men pretty much know if you’re the kind of woman they’re 
going to sleep with and keep it moving, or if they’re going to 
stick around and see if they want more. This, you will be able 
to tell by his answers.
Listen to his answer closely. I assure you this is how it will 
go, because every man will answer this question the same exact 
way: “I think you’re great, I think you’d make a great mom, 
you’re fun, kind, you’re really beautiful, you turn me on, you’re 
energetic, outgoing, a hard worker, very smart. I think you’re 
the kind of woman I could see myself with,” all of that generic 
stuff we know you want to hear. Still, this isn’t the answer you 
should be looking for. You want specifics. You want to know 
that he’s really thought about you beyond the surface. So do 
the follow-ups. “Oh, you think I’m kind? What about me 
makes you think I’m kind?” Then sit back and listen. If he 
can’t give you a concrete example of how you’ve shown your 
kindness, he’s not really thinking about you beyond the sur-
face. But if he says, “You remember that time when it was my 
mom’s birthday and you called me and reminded me to pick up 
a card for her? That was really nice.” If he tells you he thinks 
you’re a great mom, make him tell you what it is about you 

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that makes you a great mom. And so forth with whatever char-
acteristic he attributes to you. The level of his specifics will 
give you yet another clue into this man’s intentions for your 
relationship. If he can give you specifics, it means he’s been 
listening and adding it up—he’s determining if he’s going to 
keep you, if he can see himself in a committed relationship 
with you. And that could mean that you’re at least on the same 
relationship page.
Now this is not to be confused with what do you “think” 
about me—“think” and “feel” are two wholly different things. 
And if a man cannot tell you how he feels about you after a 
month of dating, it’s because he doesn’t feel anything for 
you—he just wants something. Ask a man how he feels about 
you, and he’s going to get confused and nervous: “I told you 
before—I think you’re . . .” he begins. You cut him right off 
and say, “No, no, I want to know how you 
feel 
about me.” He 
might shift in his chair, scratch his head, light a cigar—any-
thing to get out of giving you an answer or thinking of what he 
thinks you want him to say. But you’ll have to get him to 
answer it.
Don’t get upset if he doesn’t answer right away: he’s got to 

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go into that part of himself that he doesn’t like to go to, and 
that’s the emotional part. Men do not do emotion well, at all, 
and expressing it doesn’t come easy. He can answer questions 
about God and the kids and his mother, but with this question, 
you’re asking him to look into his soul, and our DNA isn’t 
made up for the heartfelt outpouring to just anybody. But this 
doesn’t mean you should let up. What you’re looking for in his 
answer is something like this: “When I don’t see you, I miss 
talking to you, I always wonder what you’re doing and when-
ever you come around, I just feel better—you’re the type of 
woman I’ve been trying to find.” In other words, his answer has 
to make you feel wonderful. He may not be in love with you 
just yet, but he’s crazy about you and he’s probably thinking he 
wants to explore a long-term commitment with you, because 
when he starts to profess and put you in a position where he can 
provide for and protect you, he’s seeing a future with you in it. 
And this is exactly where you want to be with this guy.
The “I think you’re cool” answer isn’t going to cut it here, 
ladies. And if, after you’ve asked the question and probed 
deeper, you realize his feelings for you don’t run very deep—
that he’s just not there—then you need to not be there, too. 
Pump the brakes until you start hearing and feeling from him 
the things that you think are important to hear and feel from a 
man with whom you’re willing to forge a relationship.

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W
e men are fully aware that we have to answer these ques-
tions, and any real man is going to answer them. You may not 
necessarily like the answers, but he’s going to answer them. If 
he refuses, then don’t bother with him. Don’t think that you’re 
going to work it out later—that you’ll wait him out until he 
gets more comfortable with you—because that would be noth-
ing more than blind hope. Before you know it, you’ll be find-
ing out the hard way that this isn’t the guy for you, and you’ll 
be starting all the conversations with your girlfriends like this: 
“You know, I slept with him and he’s not about anything, I 
don’t even know if he likes kids. . . .” Don’t let this happen. 
Empower yourself—it’s your right to know all of these answers 
up front; per my ninety-day rule, which you’ll discover in the 
next chapter, you need to ask these questions within the first 
few months of a courtship.
If you’re already in a relationship with someone, these ques-
tions are still valid if you don’t know the answers. You can ask 
them for clarification. Or you may need to ask them with the 
hope that they’ll solidify what you may already know—either 
that you need to get out of your relationship or that you are 
headed in the right direction. His answers may help you cut 
your losses, before you invest too many more years in a rela-
tionship that isn’t going the way you want it to go. Or they may 
make you say, “Wow, I’m glad I’m with this man.”
Know, too, that though we’ll answer the questions because 

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we like talking about ourselves, our answers just may make us 
consider the woman who’s asking the questions in a different 
light. We definitely want to know where our women stand on 
these issues, too, but we’re not going to bring it up—especially 
if our intentions for you aren’t pure. But in your conversations 
around these issues, your man just might learn something about 
you, too, something that makes him know he’s got a pretty 
solid woman on his side. Say, for instance, he tells you that he 
wants to be an engineer and he’s going to night school to get his 
degree, and you tell him that you have a few friends who are 
engineers and you can offer to introduce him to them so that 
they can give some helpful advice as he works toward his new 
career. When you offer that helping hand, he starts to think, 
“Wow, this woman is interested in my goals and ambitions. 
She’s offering to help me out. Maybe she might be the one to 
get me to the next level.” And he might just envision including 
you in those “next level” plans.
See, you’re getting information from him and plugging 
yourself into all these slots—do I see myself in his short-term 
plans, his long-term plans, as a part of his family, having babies 
with him, helping him continue a solid relationship with his 
mom, being a role-model dad for our kids, the whole picture? 
But it’s a two-way street: know that this guy you’re quizzing is 
listening to these intelligent, inquisitive questions, and calculat-
ing whether you’re a woman who is his keeper or just a sports 
fish.

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