A step by step tool for top achievers

COMMITMENT
When our value system is clear it becomes a lot easier to make decisions and
commitments.
Example: You can't make a commitment to your country by selling secrets to the enemy.
You can't keep a friend by revealing to others what he told you in confidence. You can't
keep a commitment to a job by trying to do as little as possible.
Unkept commitments result in dishonest behavior. I wonder how any relationship,
regardless of whether personal or professional, would work if people said something to
the effect.
♦
 
I will try but I can't commit.
♦
 
I will do it but don't count on me.
♦
 
I will be there if I can, but don't get your hopes up.
♦
 
I will be there, so long as you do well.
♦
 
I will be there so long as you are in good health.
♦
 
I will stick with you till I find something better.
If the following relationships cannot count and depend on one another, I wonder how
anything would ever work in this world.
Parent / child
 Husband / wife
Student / teacher  
 Customer / salesman
Employer / employee
 Friend / friend

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The uncertainty could lead to insanity. Our strongest relationships are tied together with
the invisible something called commitment. Today, breaking a promise is considered no
big deal. All relationships go sour without commitment.
Lack of commitment would destabilize relationships and lead to insecurity. No one would
know where they stand with each other.
Commitment implies:
1. Dependability
2. Reliability
3. Predictability
4. Consistency
5. Caring
6. Empathy
7. A sense of duty
8. Sincerity
9. Character
10. Integrity
11. Loyalty
If one of these ingredients is missing, commitment loses strength.
When a person makes a commitment to someone, he is really saying, "You can count on
me no matter what," and "I will be there when you need me."
Unconditional commitment says, "My behavior is predictable in an unpredictable future."
What makes the future unpredictable?
♦
 
Changes in your life and circumstances.
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Changes in my life and circumstances.
♦
 
Changes in the external conditions.
Regardless of the uncertainty, commitment says "You can count on me." A person who
makes a commitment is willing to give up a lot. For what? The answer is pretty clear. The
rewards can be priceless.
Commitment says:
1.   I am willing to sacrifice because I care.
2. I am a person of integrity and you can trust me.
3. I will not let you down.
4.  Despite pain, I will still be there.
5.  I will not let you down in good times or in bad times.
Commitment is not like a legal contract which is enforceable. Its foundation is not a
signed piece of paper but character, integrity, and empathy.
Commitment does not mean sticking to something when a person has no choice. It
means sticking in spite of choices. Without the above ingredients, no one would make a
serious long-lasting commitment to others.

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What makes a commitment worth keeping? It brings:
♦
 
Predictability.
♦
 
Security.
♦
 
Personal growth.
♦
 
Strong relationships between individuals and community.
♦
 
Lasting personal and professional relationships.
Even gangsters and crooks are looking for committed supporters. Commitment creates a
patch of green in a vast jungle; we call this security in an insecure world. Keeping
commitments is worth the effort. Commitment means surrendering our personal wants for
another person's needs.
Remember and keep in mind, needs are stronger than wants. Commitments act as a
glue which bonds relationships. Commitment implies sacrificing fun and willingness to
accept sorrow.
For example,
1. Commitment to friendship implies maintaining confidentiality.
2. Commitment to customer implies giving good service.
3. Commitment to marriage implies fidelity.
4. Commitment to decency implies staying away from vulgarity.
5. Commitment to patriotism implies sacrifice.
5. Commitment to job implies integrity.
6. Commitment to community implies responsibility.
Commitment is a sign of maturity. Commitment means not quitting at the first option or
sign of problems. Individuals with strong commitments build strong communities.
Relationships are based on commitment, not just on closeness and intimacy. A person
can be intimate and close and yet not be committed. With changing values, it is even
considered good to have uncommitted relationships.
Many people are not willing to make commitments because they feel they are not ready
for it. However, in the meantime, for years they keep sharing and using anything and
everything of one another. Their pretext is, "We are still checking out each other before
we commit." What are they checking out that they haven't already checked out in a few
days or a few months or a few years?
In my opinion they are selfish parasites who are trying to get as much as possible while
the going is good. They are only takers who are a liability to society. Many people
confuse commitment with confinement.
Relationships don't last because of passion and love but because of commitment and
empathy. A commitment implies putting the other person's needs ahead of one's own.
Sometimes good people with the best intentions are faced with conflicting commitments.
For instance,
1. A policeman is committed to caring for his wife who is on her death bed. But all of a
sudden he gets an emergency call to handle a situation, at the other end of town where
ten lives are at stake. What does he do?
2. A surgeon is looking forward to his daughter's graduation. He is committed to this
once-in-a-lifetime event. With all guests at the function, 20 minutes before the ceremony,

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he gets an emergency call to operate on an accident victim to save his life. What choice
does he have?
Choosing one does not mean lack of commitment to the other. The process of making a
choice between the two commitments would involve priority, responsibility and duty. Not
keeping one over the other would not make the person feel guilty.
Probably what the surgeon feels like doing is attending his daughter's graduation. It
doesn't matter what he feels like. Commitment involves the 11 elements we talked about
before, whether we feel like it or not.
Keeping commitment shows strength of character. It takes subordinating our desires to
the other person's needs but not his whims and fancies.
Needs are essential, whereas desires are infinite. And in case of conflict of needs, one
has to prioritize responsibilities and duties. In a relationship such as a marriage, two
people are committed to each other. Supposing one develops cancer a year after?
Should one feel cheated? Deprived? Resentful? Blame the other person for ruining his /
her life? That is not commitment. That is just selfishness.
The most painful part of commitment is accepting a breach when it happens. The
commitment goes on if the breach results from an error of omission. However, it needs
evaluation if it is a result of commission. Breach of omission can be handled with
compassion and forgiveness. Whereas the breach of commission says, "You cheat me
once, shame on you. You cheat me twice, shame on me."
Either way, for one's own self-interest the answer is forgiveness. As they say, "The
wounds get healed but the scars remain." Commitments can rarely be kept without
forgiveness. For example, a child may betray his parents' trust by lying or cheating.
People avoid making commitments because many times they are living for today.