A step by step tool for top achievers

Is It worth It?
The more arguments you win, the fewer friends you have. Even if you are right, is it worth
arguing? The answer is pretty obvious. A big no. Does that mean one should never bring
up a point? One should, but gently and tactfully by saying something neutral such as
"based on my information . . ." If the other person is argumentative, even if you can prove
him wrong, is it worth it? I don't think so. Do you make your point a second time? I
wouldn't. Why? Because the argument is coming from a closed mind trying to prove who
is right rather than what is right.
For example, at a social get-together, especially after a few drinks, someone may say
authoritatively, "The current year's export figures are $50 billion." You happen to know
that his information is incorrect and the right figure is $45 billion. You read it in the paper
that morning or you heard it on the radio on the way to the get-together and you have a
bulletin in your car to substantiate it. Do you make your point? Yes, by saying, "My
information is that the export figure is $45 billion." The other person reacts, "You don't
know what you are talking about. I know exactly what it is and it is $50 billion."
At this point, you have several choices:
1. Make your point again and start an argument.
2. Run and bring the bulletin from your car and make sure you prove him wrong.
3. Avoid it.
4. Discuss but don't argue.
The right choice is number 3 only.

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If one wants to accomplish great things in life one has to practice maturity. Maturity
means not getting entangled in unimportant things and petty arguments.
What is the Difference Between an Argument and a Discussion?

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An argument throws heat; a discussion throws light.
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One stems from ego and a closed mind whereas the other comes from an open mind.
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An argument is an exchange of ignorance whereas a discussion is an exchange of
knowledge.
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An argument is an expression of temper whereas a discussion is an expression of
logic.
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An argument tries to prove who is right whereas a discussion tries to prove what is
right.
It is not worthwhile to reason with a prejudiced mind; it wasn't reasoned into him so you
can't reason it out. A narrow mind and a big mouth usually lead to interesting but
pointless arguments.
In order to discuss, let the other person state his side of the case without interruption. Let
him blow steam. Don't try to prove him wrong on every point. Never let him drag you to
his level. Treat him with courtesy and respect; that will confuse him.
Regardless of the cause, the best way to diffuse the situation is to:
1.   give a patient hearing.
2. not fight back or retaliate that--will confuse the other person because he was
expecting a
      fight.
3. not expect an apology. For some people, apologizing is difficult even if they have
made
      a mistake.
4.   not make issues out of petty matters.
Discussion entails not only saying the right thing at the right time but also leaving unsaid
what need not be said.
Children should be taught the art of speaking up but not talking back. As adults we
should learn the art of disagreeing without being disagreeable.
The way a person handles an argument reflects their upbringing.
I learned a long time ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty and besides, the pig
likes it.
--Cyrus Ching
Steps to Opening a Discussion
1.   Be open-minded.
2.   Don't be dragged into an argument.
3.   Don't interrupt.
4.   Listen to the other person's point of view before giving your own.
4. Ask questions to clarify. That will also set the other person thinking.
5. Don't exaggerate.
7.   Be enthusiastic in convincing, not forceful.
8.   Be willing to yield.
9.   Be flexible on petty things but not on principles.
10. Don't make it a prestige issue.

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11. Give your opponent a graceful way to withdraw without hurting his pride. Rejection
can
      be hurtful.
12. Use soft  words but hard arguments rather than hard words & soft arguments .
It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in an argument. His strong and bitter words
only indicate a , weak cause.
During a discussion, it may be a good idea to use phrases such as:
♦
 
It appears to me ...
♦
 
I may be wrong ...
Another way to defuse arguments is by showing ignorance and asking questions such
as:
♦
 
Why do you feel that way?
♦
 
Can you explain a little?
♦
 
Can you be more specific?
If nothing works, it may be worthwhile to politely, gently, and with courtesy, agree to
disagree.