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When you cater to his ego in a soft way, he
doesn’t try to get power in an aggressive way.
Praise is an effective tool in getting him to treat you the way you
want. Don’t complain, “Well, you
used
to bring me flowers.” From
this point forward, every bouquet he gives you is the “prettiest you
have ever seen.” Don’t complain that he doesn’t take you out
enough. Instead, every restaurant he takes you to is “unbelievable”
or “amazing.”
When he asks if you’ve been to the restaurant before, don’t tell
him about the two ex-boyfriends who took you to the very same
romantic corner table you are now sitting at. (Unless you never
want to go back to that restaurant again.)
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #34
When you appear softer and more feminine,
you appeal to his instinct to
protect.
When you appear more aggressive, you appeal
to his instinct to
compete.
Whenever you give a man the impression that you want to “wear
the pants,” you’ll almost always have a battle on your hands, in
which case, congrats—you’ve become his opponent. If he
competes, he plays to win at your expense, and good luck getting
anything that way.
Men need a little coaching, and the way to coach them is to
praise them when they behave well. A man’s favorite word? “Best.”
It doesn’t matter if you say, “Honey, you eat those beer nuts the
best—like no one I have ever met in my life.” Use the word
best,
and you’ll always have his full attention.
Make friends
with his ego. For example, suppose you live
together and he wants to help decorate. Chances are at some point
he will have a need to “express” his virility by hanging something on
the wall. (Something that clashes with
everything.)
When he
gleefully breaks out those elephant tusks, the African sword, or the
1986 Super Bowl poster that he calls “art,” keep a straight face and
appear sincere. “Yes, honey, Grandpa’s eighteenth-century rifle is
to die for!” Then immediately enlist his “much needed help” in
decorating the garage or the basement.
Want him to pitch in around the house? Just make him feel
needed (i.e., powerful). Give him little assignments. It doesn’t
matter if you ask him to program the VCR or help hang a photo on
the wall. When he uses that noisy electric drill, he will feel just like
Rambo. When the picture hangs crooked—and it will—pretend it’s
perfect. Simply wait until he leaves the room and then straighten it.
When he hands over that paycheck, thank him for working so
hard for “the benefit of everyone in the family.” Again, wait until he
leaves the room. Then review the stub to make sure that he got paid
all of his overtime.
Remember, when he behaves like a man and he treats you well,
pay a little “homage” to that ego. He should feel like Conan the
Barbarian a couple of times a week.
Whenever he does something handy around the house like
putting up a shelf, praise him. It doesn’t matter if the shelf hangs at a
45-degree angle and the stuff keeps sliding off the other end. Clap
like the happiest seal at the zoo, and then have a handyman come
over to fix it when he isn’t around. The minute you say, “It’s
crooked,” it’s all over. He’ll never do anything handy around the
house again. It will make him feel worse than a little kid who got
scolded in arts and crafts class.
Men have big egos and they need to have them stroked. This is
what the “dumb fox” does. In small ways, she makes him feel like
he is the King Kong of her world. Here are a few more dumb fox
tips on how to make him feel “studly.”
If you’re walking your dog at dusk, ask him to come
with you because you want him to “keep you safe.”
If he kills a little bug, look away. And don’t turn back
around until he lets you know he has “secured the
premises.”
If you hear a noise at night (like a bird pooping on the
roof), act really scared. Tell him to check to see “what
that noise is about.”
After he checks out the source of the noise, tell him
you like having him in the house or apartment
because it makes you “feel so much safer.”
Ask him to open a jar that you can’t open (even if you
can) or unzip your dress (even if you can reach it). Or,
you can ask him to lift a small box for you.
At a scary movie, hang on to him tightly. If there’s
violence, cover your eyes and let him tell you when it’s
over.
If it’s cold outside, crawl under his coat and hang on
to him for warmth.
Let him move a piece of furniture (even one you could
move yourself). When he does this with ease, tell him
how heavy it was. “You are so strong! Gee, I don’t
know how you moved that.”
Let him parallel park your car or back it out of a tight
spot. If you tell him he’s a “much better driver” than
you are, he’ll really be eating out of your hand. He’ll
probably wash your car or fill your tank with gas.
Handling his ego with kid gloves is as easy as learning your
A-B-
Cs.
When her child brings home a crayon drawing from
kindergarten—no matter how ugly it is—a mother doesn’t criticize
it. She’d never say, “Is that a dog or a cow? Hey kid—don’t quit
your day job.” Instead she tells him, “This is a masterpiece!” Then
the child thinks he is the next Picasso, and he draws ten more
pictures.
Praise is important. When he takes you out to eat, say thank-you
once
at dinner, and again when you say good night. The nice girl
often makes the mistake of saying thank-you over and over. Then
she calls the following day to say thank-you three times on his
answering machine. As though no one’s ever bought her a hot meal
before.
In the beginning, without question let
him
pay for dinner. After
you’ve been dating for a while, you can reciprocate. But don’t do a
50/50 split or go Dutch—he’s not a long-lost professional
colleague.
When a man is really crazy about a woman, he isn’t concerned
with splitting a check. He won’t say, “You had the turkey salad and
I had the beef. So your total comes to…” If he adores her, he
won’t be thinking about petty cash. What he’ll be thinking about is
how he can win her over.
If he can’t afford it, suggest an inexpensive place or do something
that doesn’t cost money. Visit a museum. Go on a bike ride. Split a
dinner plate, and don’t order alcohol. However, if he asks you to
split the check on the first few dates, don’t see him again. It has less
to do with a few dollars than with the fact that he’s not very
concerned with impressing you. And that’s never a good sign.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #35
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