The Way I used to Be

“SO, SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD
happened yesterday,” I tell Mara as we
begin our walk home from school.
“Oooh, what?” she asks eagerly.
“So, do you know that guy Josh Miller? He’s a senior on the basketball
team?”
“Of course.”
“Yeah. Of course. Well, he was talking to me. Like 
talking
to me. It almost
seemed like . . . I don’t know. No, forget it. It’s stupid.” I laugh.
“No, what? You have to tell me now—I’m hooked!”
“Okay. But first, believe me, I know full well exactly how stupid this is
going to sound,” I warn her.
“Oh. My. God—just tell me!” she demands, laughing.
“Well, you know how I dropped band? So, I got put in this study hall
instead. And he’s in there—Josh—and he gave up the seat next to him so I
could sit there. And then he was trying to talk to me, almost like he was
actually . . . interested.” I wait for her to start laughing, but she just continues
to look at me. “Interested in me, I mean,” I clarify.
“Okay, first of all, why would you think I would think that’s stupid? And
second of all . . . WOOO-HOOOO!” she screams, jumping up and down right
in the middle of the street. “YEEEEESSSS!”
“Oh my gosh, stop! You’re crazy!” I yell. But we’re both laughing
uncontrollably.
“So what happened next?” she asks, her laugh fading as she tries to catch
her breath.
“What do you mean? Nothing. Was something supposed to happen next?”
“I mean, how did you leave things? What exactly did he say to you?”
“He said he was going to save me a seat tomorrow.”
“Perfect!” she shouts. “So then tomorrow you—”

---

“Wait.” I interrupt her. “I’m not actually going to be there tomorrow,
though.”
“Why not?”
“Well, I kind of volunteered in the library for that period,” I admit.
She stares into my eyes, unblinking, her smile fading rapidly. “I’m sorry,
did you suffer a blow to the head?”
“You think I should’ve stayed in the study hall?”
“Duh-uh!” she yells. “Of course, Edy. Have you learned nothing this
summer?”
I think about it for several minutes as we walk. Mara keeps letting out
these small exasperated breaths, and looking at me and shaking her head,
periodically sighing. “Oh, Edy.”
“You’re right,” I tell her once we reach the corner where we need to part.
“You’re totally right. I don’t know why I did that. I just got scared, I guess.”
“Scared of what? It’s Joshua Miller—this is a great thing, Edy.”
I just shrug. Because I can’t tell her exactly what I mean. And I know she
wouldn’t be able to understand even if I could.

---