The teaching plan of the practical lesson №1

You Are NOT Your Students’ BFF (Best Friend Forever)

You Are NOT Your Students’ BFF (Best Friend Forever)

Balancing “Friendliness” and “Friendship”

 

Sometimes there is an impulse among ESL instructors to befriend their students, especially if the student is the same gender and age (sometimes it occurs between opposite genders as well, but that’s a different article.)

ESL students are often alone in this country and hungry for friendship; teachers, because of the nature of their all-encompassing work, may be similarly lonely. In addition, ESL students have often led interesting lives and have much to say, and teachers tend to be good listeners. So a friendship may blossom, and when the invitation, usually from the student, comes to meet at a local cafe, or to come to the student’s home for dinner, it seems natural to accept. However, there are a number of reasons not to, not to cross that line from teacher to friend.

The first and foremost reason is you are quite simply not your student’s friend. As with parents who try to be their children’s friend but quickly find that they can’t be friends and remain effective parents—your BFF, after all, doesn’t tell you what time to come home or to clean up your room—it’s also very difficult to be your student’s friend and maintain your teacher’s role. After enjoying your student’s hospitality at her home, for example, how do you then give her a “D” on the midterm, even if earned? If you’ve confided in your student your family problems, can you really face her in class, telling her which group to work in and what activities to do? Students do not usually engage in blackmail, of course, but matters do become complicated when the line between teacher and friend is blurred, so it’s best not to blur the line. Of course, this is easier said than done, especially when students do make overtures of friendship. How can these politely be refused? How can you still then maintain a “friendly” relationship without being “friends”? It’s a delicate balance but it can be accomplished.