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spouse-centered
or
family-centered
glasses, your
main concern will be your wife. You may tell the boss you can’t stay and you
take her to the concert in an effort to please her. You may feel you have to stay to
protect your job, but you’ll do so grudgingly, anxious about her response, trying
to justify your decision and protect yourself from her disappointment or anger.
If you’re looking through a
money-centered
lens, your main thought will be of
the overtime you’ll get or the influence working late will have on a potential
raise. You may call your wife and simply tell her you have to stay, assuming
she’ll understand that economic demands come first.
If you’re
work-centered
, you may be thinking of the opportunity. You can
learn more about the job. You can make some points with the boss and further
your career. You may give yourself a pat on the back for putting in hours well
beyond what is required, evidence of what a hard worker you are. Your wife
should be proud of you!
If you’re
possession-centered
, you might be thinking of the things the
overtime income could buy. Or you might consider what an asset to your
reputation at the office it would be if you stayed. Everyone would hear tomorrow
how noble, how sacrificing and dedicated you are.
If you’re
pleasured-centered
, you’ll probably can the work and go to the
concert, even if your wife would be happy for you to work late. You deserve a
night out!
If you’re
friend-centered
, your decision would be influenced by whether or
not you had invited friends to attend the concert with you. Or whether your
friends at work were going to stay late, too.
If you’re
enemy-centered
, you may stay late because you know it will give
you a big edge over that person in the office who thinks he’s the company’s
greatest asset. While he’s off having fun, you’ll be working and slaving, doing
his work and yours, sacrificing your personal pleasure for the good of the
company he can so blithely ignore.
If you’re
church-centered
, you might be influenced by plans other church
members have to attend the concert, by whether or not any church members
work at your office, or by the nature of the concert—Handel’s
Messiah
might
rate higher priority than a rock concert. Your decision might also be affected by
what you think a “good church member” would do and by whether you view the
extra work as “service” or “seeking after material wealth.”
If you’re
self-centered
, you’ll be focused on what will do you the most good.
Would it be better for you to go out for the evening? Or would it be better for
you to make a few points with the boss? How the different options affect
you
will be your main concern.
As we consider various ways of looking at a single event, is it any wonder that
we have “young lady/old lady” perception problems in our interactions with
each other? Can you see how fundamentally our centers affect us? Right down to
our motivations, our daily decisions, our actions (or, in too many cases, our
reactions
), our interpretations of events? That’s why understanding your own
center is so important. And if that center does not empower you as a proactive
person, it becomes fundamental to your effectiveness to make the necessary
paradigm shifts to create a center that will.
As a
principle-centered
person, you try to stand apart from the emotion of the
situation and from other factors that would act on you, and evaluate the options.
Looking at the balanced whole—the work needs, the family needs, other needs
that may be involved and the possible implications of the various alternative
decisions—you’ll try to come up with the best solution, taking all factors into
consideration.
Whether you go to the concert or stay and work is really a small part of an
effective decision. You might make the same choice with a number of other
centers. But there are several important differences when you are coming from a
principle-centered paradigm.
First, you are not being acted upon by other people or circumstances. You are
proactively choosing what you determine to be the best alternative. You make
your decision consciously and knowledgeably.
Second, you know your decision is most effective because it is based on
principles with predictable long-term results.
Third, what you choose to do contributes to your ultimate values in life.
Staying at work to get the edge on someone at the office is an entirely different
evening in your life from staying because you value your boss’s effectiveness
and you genuinely want to contribute to the company’s welfare. The experiences
you have as you carry out your decisions take on quality and meaning in the
context of your life as a whole.
Fourth, you can communicate to your wife and your boss within the strong
networks you’ve created in your interdependent relationships. Because you are
independent, you can be effectively interdependent. You might decide to
delegate what is delegable and come in early the next morning to do the rest.
And finally, you’ll feel comfortable about your decision. Whatever you
choose to do, you can focus on it and enjoy it.
As a principle-centered person, you see things differently. And because you
see things differently, you think differently, you act differently. Because you
have a high degree of security, guidance, wisdom, and power that flows from a
solid, unchanging core, you have the foundation of a highly proactive and highly
effective life.
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