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66 Mark Twain
warn't no use — he couldn't budge; he was planted as solid as an
anvil, and he couldn't no more stir than if he was anchored out.
Smiley was a good deal surprised, and he was disgusted too, but he
didn't have no idea what the matter was, of course.
The feller took the money and started away; and when he was
going out at the door, he sorter jerked his thumb over his shoulder
- this way - at Dan'l, and says again, very deliberate, 'Well, / don't
see no p'ints about that frog that's any better'n any other frog.'
Smiley he stood scratching his head and looking down at Dan'l
a long time, and at last he says, 'I do wonder what in the nation
that frog throwed off for - I wonder if there ain't something the
matter with him - he 'pears to look mighty baggy, somehow.' And
he ketched Dan'l by the nap of the neck, and lifted him up and
says, 'Why, blame my cats, if he don't weigh five pound!' and
turned him upside down, and he belched out a double handful of
shot. And then he see how it was, and he was the maddest man -
he set the frog down and took out after that feller, but he never
ketched him. And
[Here Simon Wheeler heard his name called from the front yard,
and got up to see what was wanted.] And turning to me as he
moved away, he said: 'Just set where you are, stranger, and rest
easy - 1 ain't going to be gone a second.'
But, by your leave, I did not think that a continuation of the
history of the enterprising vagabond
Jim
Smiley would be likely
to afford me much information concerning the
Rev. Leonidas W.
Smiley, and so I started away.
At the door I met the sociable Wheeler returning, and he button-
holed me and recommenced:
'Well, thish-yer Smiley had a yaller one-eyed cow that didn't have
no tail, only just a short stump like a bannanner, and —'
'Oh! hang Smiley and his afflicted cow!' I muttered, good-
naturedly, and bidding the old gentleman good day, I departed.
B R E T H A R T E • 1 8 3 6 - 1 9 0 2
The Iliad of Sandy Bar
Before nine o'clock it was pretty well known all along the river that
the two parties of the 'Amity Claim' had quarreled and separated
at daybreak. At that time the attention of their nearest neighbor
had been attracted by the sounds of altercations and two consecu-
tive pistol-shots. Running out, he had seen, dimly, in the grey mist
that rose from the river, the tall form of Scott, one of the partners,
descending the hill toward the canon; a moment later, York, the
other partner, had appeared from the cabin, and walked in an op-
posite direction toward the river, passing within a few feet of the
curious watcher. Later it was discovered that a serious Chinaman,
cutting wood before the cabin, had witnessed part of the quarrel.
But John was stolid, indifferent, and reticent. 'Me choppee wood,
me no fightee,' was his serene response to all anxious queries. 'But
what did they
say
, John?' John did not
l
sabe\
Colonel Starbottle
deftly ran over the various popular epithets which a generous pub-
lic sentiment might accept as reasonable provocation for an as-
sault. But John did not recognize them. 'And this yer's the cattle,'
said the Colonel, with some severity, 'that some thinks oughter be
allowed to testify agin' a White Man! Git — you heathen!'
Still the quarrel remained inexplicable. That two men, whose
amiability and grave tact had earned for them the title of 'The Peace-
makers', in a community not greatly given to the passive virtues —
that these men, singularly devoted to each other, should suddenly
and violently quarrel, might well excite the curiosity of the camp. A
few of the more inquisitive visited the late scene of conflict, now
deserted by its former occupants. There was no trace of disorder or
confusion in the neat cabin. The rude table was arranged as if for
breakfast; the pan of yellow biscuit still sat upon that hearth whose
dead embers might have typified the evil passions that had raged
there but an hour before. But Colonel Starbottle's eye - albeit, some-
what bloodshot and rheumy — was more intent on practical details.
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