wry, resigned smile.
“I know better than to try to defend my country when I’m
overseas,” she
interjects eventually. “Of course, I’m every bit as disappointed in America as the
rest of you are, but I still have a deep sense of loyalty to it—just as I might with
some crazy alcoholic aunt whom I’d stick up for if I heard strangers talking
about her behind her back.”
Lauren lives in Los Angeles and works at UCLA, where she’s studying the
effects of immigration in the San Bernardino Valley. She has shoulder-length
brown hair and grey-green eyes and is thirty-one. Rabih tries not to look at her
too directly. Hers is the sort of beauty that seems unhelpful to encounter in his
present circumstances.
There’s an hour before the sessions start again, and he decides to take a walk
outside in what passes for a garden. His flight
home departs early the next
morning, and there’ll be a new project waiting on his desk when he gets back to
Edinburgh. Lauren’s dark tailored dress did nothing to draw attention to itself,
and yet he remembers every detail of it. He thinks, too, of the stack of bangles
on her left arm; he could just see a tattoo underneath them, on the inside of her
wrist—an inadvertent, melancholy reminder of the generation gap between
them.
In the late afternoon, in the corridor leading to the lifts, he’s looking at some
brochures when she walks by. He smiles awkwardly,
grieving already that he
will never know her, that her deeper identity—symbolized by the purple canvas
bag slung over her shoulder—will remain forever foreign to him, that he can
write himself only a single life. But she announces that she’s feeling hungry and
suggests that he join her for tea in a wood-paneled bar next to the business center
on the first floor. She had breakfast there that morning, she adds. They sit on a
long leather bench by the fireplace. There is a white orchid behind Lauren. He
asks most of the questions and thereby learns bits and pieces: about her
apartment in Venice Beach, a previous job at a university in Arizona, the family
in Albuquerque, her love of David Lynch’s films, her involvement in community
organizing, her Judaism and her hammed-up terror of German officials, which
extends also to the
stiff and thick-necked barman, a character rich in comedic
possibilities, whom she nicknames Eichmann. Rabih’s attention wavers between
the specifics of what she’s saying and what she represents. She is at once herself
and all the people he has ever admired but learnt not to be curious about since
his wedding day.
Her eyes crinkle with laughter as she glances up at the barman.
“ ‘You’ll never turn the vinegar to jam,
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