The cornerstone of unity

96
HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS DUE
TO A HEALTHY SEX LIFE 
Finns tend to live in intimate relationships. The percentage of singles in the whole population has remained fairly 
low. According to the most recent FINSEX survey, 87% of adult men and 85% of adult women lived in an 
intimate relationship in 2015. These figures include so-
called couples “living apart together” (LATs), i.e. partners 
with separate households.
Seen from the larger perspective of well-
being, the study’s statistics paint a very positive picture of the state of 
Finland’s society. Intimate relationships have significantly increased happiness in the lives of Finns. The results 
show that when people avoided loneliness because they had such a relationship, they usually experienced their 
entire life as at least fairly happy. Intimate relationships and love were the best antidotes to loneliness. 
Happiness was fostered significantly by the intimate relationship itself but, in addition, especially by mutually 
experienced love. About four out of five people in a marriage or other intimate relationship experienced this kind 
of love. When a couple experienced mutual love in 2015, 87% of both men and women considered themselves 
fairly happy in their relationship, and 38% considered themselves very happy.
Couples in Finland are typically fairly happy. Half of the survey respondents that were in an intimate 
relationship said they currently lived in a fairly happy relationship. In addition, 30% experienced their relationship 
as very happy.
The feelings of happiness in life and happiness in an intimate relationship are strongly connected in the case 
of fairly many people. Generally one can say that if their life has been very happy, then their relationship has 
also been very happy. And of those that haven’t had a happy life, half had an intimate relationship that wasn’t 
happy.
According to the study, people’s happiness in life and happiness in an intimate relationship was nearly the 
same thing. A good and happy intimate relationship is undoubtedly a very powerful social and emotional 
resource, thanks to which all of life feels happy. When life gets difficult for some reason, the relationship can 
function as a buffer against difficulties.
A significant result of the FINSEX study was the very strong connection between the happiness of an intimate 
relationship and a satisfying sex life. Three fourths of both genders felt that their intimate relationship was fairly 
happy and that their sex life was at least fairly satisfying. This corresponded to the share of people who felt that 
sex was important for happiness in an intimate relationship. Best off were those in the slightly less than one fifth 
of respondents who had both a very happy intimate relationship and a very satisfying sex life. These things often 
support each other strongly.
The usual story was that the happiness of the intimate relationship corresponded well with how satisfying its 
sex life was. Two percent of couples however felt they had a happy intimate relationship despite their sex life not 
being satisfying. So when it is said that an intimate relationship can be happy without sex, this is true of only 
such a small percentage of all intimate relationships. 
Sex of course doesn’t only mean sexual intercourse, but this seems to be surprisingly predominant. Of the 
couples that had no sexual intercourse at all during the previous year, fairly few had any other kind of sex 

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according to the data for 2015. Less than one tenth of these men and women had manually satisfied their 
partner or been manually satisfied by their partner during the previous month. Oral sex had also been 
occasionally given or received by about ten percent of both genders.
When there was little or no sex in intimate relationships, this did not necessarily mean that there was no 
physical intimacy between the partners, but if there was no sexual intercourse for a year, then there was much 
less intimacy too. For example, every second man and woman who had not had sexual intercourse had not 
kissed their partner at all. Only one out of four of these men and women had kissed their partner at least a few 
times per week. If there was no intercourse, 40% of men had masturbated during the previous month, and the 
corresponding figure for women was 20%. So when the pairs’ sex life dwindled, men sought compensation 
through masturbation more often than women did. 
According to this survey, the sexual interactivity of an intimate relationship is perhaps the most important 
indicator of how well it’s doing and how happy it is. Often the key to happiness is seeing and realising how 
sexually attractive one’s partner still is. This happiness was unaffected by how many sexual partners one had 
before the current relationship. Something had however been learned from previous relationships because those 
living in a second intimate relationship were a little happier than those living in an intimate relationship for the 
first time. Happiness had the practical effect in all intimate relationships that the tendency to start new 
relationships during a current one was significantly lower in happy relationships. 
Osmo Kontula 
– research professor, Family Federation of Finland