We need a new level, a deeper level of thinking—a paradigm based on the
principles that accurately describe the territory
of effective human being
and interacting—to solve these deep concerns.
This new level of thinking is what
Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People
is about. It’s a principle-centered, character-based, “inside-out”
approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness.
“Inside-out”
means to start first with self; even more fundamentally, to
start with the most
inside
part of self—with your paradigms, your character,
and your motives.
It says if you want to
have
a happy marriage,
be
the kind of person who
generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy rather than
empowering it. If you want to
have
a more pleasant, cooperative teenager,
be
a more understanding, empathic, consistent, loving parent. If you want to
have
more freedom, more latitude in your job,
be
a more responsible, a
more helpful, a more contributing employee. If you want to be trusted,
be
trustworthy. If you want the secondary greatness of recognized talent, focus
first on primary greatness of character.
The inside-out approach says that private
victories precede public
victories, that making and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making
and keeping promises to others. It says it is futile to put personality ahead of
character, to try to improve relationships with others before improving
ourselves.
Inside-out is a process—a continuing process of renewal based on the
natural laws that govern human growth and progress. It’s an upward spiral
of growth that leads to progressively higher forms of responsible
independence and effective interdependence.
I have had the opportunity to work with many people—wonderful people,
talented people, people who deeply want to achieve happiness and success,
people
who are searching, people who are hurting. I’ve worked with
business executives, college students, church and civic groups, families and
marriage partners. And in all of my experience, I have never seen lasting
solutions to problems,
lasting happiness and success, that came from the
outside in.
What I have seen result from the outside-in paradigm is unhappy people
who feel victimized and immobilized, who focus on the weaknesses of
other people and the circumstances they feel are responsible for their own
stagnant situation. I’ve seen unhappy marriages where each spouse wants
the other to change, where each is confessing the other’s “sins,” where each
is trying to shape up the other. I’ve seen labor management disputes where
people spend tremendous amounts of time
and energy trying to create
legislation that would force people to act as though the foundation of trust
were really there.
Members of our family have lived in three of the “hottest” spots on earth
—South Africa, Israel, and Ireland—and I believe the source of the
continuing problems in each of these places has been the dominant social
paradigm of outside-in. Each involved group is convinced the problem is
“out there” and if “they” (meaning others) would “shape up” or suddenly
“ship out”
of existence, the problem would be solved.
Inside-out is a dramatic paradigm shift for most people, largely because of
the powerful impact of conditioning and the current social paradigm of the
Personality Ethic.
But from my own experience—both personal and in working with
thousands of other people—and from careful examination of successful
individuals and
societies throughout history, I am persuaded that many of
the principles embodied in the Seven Habits are already deep within us, in
our conscience and our common sense. To recognize and develop them and
to use them in meeting our deepest concerns, we need to think differently,
to shift our paradigms to a new, deeper, “inside-out” level.
As we sincerely seek to understand and integrate these principles into our
lives, I am convinced we will discover and rediscover the truth of T. S.
Eliot’s observation:
We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring
will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first
time.
