Teaching Secondary Students to Write Effectively

Student exemplar 2 (weak)

In the beginning of the story, Gerry disliked his grandmother. She disapproved of everything 

he did and called him a brat. He would try to avoid her every day after school. She offered 

him candy and then told him to get his own. She was always mean to him and never gave her 

approval. Gerald disliked her because she was too stuck in her ways. Which he didn’t under-

stand, but toward the middle of the story when she gives him money to go buy candy, he starts 

to connect with his grandmother.

The teacher then discusses how key features differ. For example, in the strong exemplar, the intro-

ductory paragraph begins with a hook (the first sentence or two that grabs the reader’s attention), 

followed by an identification of the title, author, and genre (TAG). After providing some context 

about the story, the writer presents a thesis or claim about what the writer believes the author’s 

central message is. These features make the paragraph effective. In the weak exemplar, the writer 

begins by summarizing the story and continues retelling what happened, rather than presenting 

a thesis. The writer also calls the author “Gerry,” rather than using formal academic English and 

identifying the author by his last name.

---

( 

39

 )