Reclaim Your Heart: Personal insights on breaking free from life's shackles

Question: Why aren’t my prayers being answered?
Answer: May Allah reward you for asking such an honest question, and
may He guide us towards the truth. Ameen.
I think what happens in this type of situation is that we mix up our
means and our ends. When we make du`a’ for a good husband, for
example, is that strong marriage a means or an end? I think many people
take it as an end, which explains much of the disillusionment and
disappointment that often follows (ironically in both cases: whether we get
it or we don’t). Like everything in this dunya, marriage is only a means—a
means to reach Allah. So if we pray for it and we don’t get it, perhaps Allah
has chosen another means for us—perhaps through hardship, the
purification it may cause and the sabr it builds, to bring us to that end:
Allah. It may be, as only Allah knows best, that had He given us that
amazing husband we made du`a’ for, it would have made us heedless and
therefore not achieve our end at all.
Instead of seeing it like this, however, I think the problem is we are
seeing things as just the opposite. The dunya (that great job, certain type of
spouse, having a child, school, career, etc.) is our end and *Allah* is the
means that we use to get there. We use that means, through making du`a’,
to achieve our end (whatever it is that we’re making du`a’ for), and then get
disappointed when our means (Allah) didn’t come through for us. We throw
our hands up in the air and say our du`a’ are not being answered. Our
means just isn’t coming through for us!
But, Allah isn’t a means. He is the end. The ultimate objective of even
du`a’ itself is to build our connection to Allah. Through du`a’ we become
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closer to Him. So, I think the problem is that our focus is wrong. That’s
why I love the du`a’ of istikhara so much. It’s just perfect because it
acknowledges that Allah only knows best, and then asks for Him to bring
what is best and take away what is not best. The focus of that du`a’ is not
that which you are asking for. The focus is what is best in this life and next.
This is not to say that we cannot make du`a’ for things specifically that we
want. On the contrary, Allah loves for us to ask of Him. But it means that
once we ask, do our part to the utmost, and put our trust in Allah, we are
pleased with what Allah chooses for us. And we realize that Allah answers
all du`a’ - but not always in the form we expect. And that is simply because
our knowledge is limited, and His is unlimited. In His infinite knowledge
He may send us what He knows to be better for us in achieving the ultimate
end: the pleasure of Allah (swt).
Wa Allahu `alam (and Allah knows best).
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We live in an iWorld. Surrounded by iPhones, iPads, MYspace,
YOUtube, the focus is clear: Me, my, I. One need not look far to see this
obsession with the self. In order to sell, advertisers must appeal to the ego.
For example, many ads appeal to the part of us that loves power and being
in charge. DirectTV tells you: "Don’t watch TV, direct TV!" Yogurtland
says: "You rule! Welcome to the land of endless yogurt possibilities, where