Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can\'t Stop Talking pdfdrive com

participants to listen to a playback tape.
This process revealed some surprising findings. The introverts and
extroverts participated about equally, giving the lie to the idea that
introverts always talk less. But the introvert pairs tended to focus on one
or two serious subjects of conversation, while the extrovert pairs chose
lighter-hearted and wider-ranging topics. Often the introverts discussed
problems or conflicts in their lives: school, work, friendships, and so on.
Perhaps because of this fondness for “problem talk,” they tended to
adopt the role of adviser, taking turns counseling each other on the
problem at hand. The extroverts, by contrast, were more likely to offer
casual information about themselves that established commonality with
the other person: 
You have a new dog? That’s great. A friend of mine has an
amazing tank of saltwater fish!
But the most interesting part of Thorne’s experiment was how much
the two types appreciated each other. Introverts talking to extroverts
chose cheerier topics, reported making conversation more easily, and
described conversing with extroverts as a “breath of fresh air.” In
contrast, the extroverts felt that they could relax more with introvert
partners and were freer to confide their problems. They didn’t feel
pressure to be falsely upbeat.
These are useful pieces of social information. Introverts and extroverts
sometimes feel mutually put off, but Thorne’s research suggests how
much each has to offer the other. Extroverts need to know that introverts
—who often seem to disdain the superficial—may be only too happy to
be tugged along to a more lighthearted place; and introverts, who
sometimes feel as if their propensity for problem talk makes them a
drag, should know that they make it safe for others to get serious.
Thorne’s research also helps us to understand Jon Berghoff’s
astonishing success at sales. He has turned his affinity for serious
conversation, and for adopting an advisory role rather than a persuasive
one, into a kind of therapy for his prospects. “I discovered early on that
people don’t buy from me because they understand what I’m selling,”
explains Jon. “They buy because they feel understood.”

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Jon also benefits from his natural tendency to ask a lot of questions
and to listen closely to the answers. “I got to the point where I could
walk into someone’s house and instead of trying to sell them some
knives, I’d ask a hundred questions in a row. I could manage the entire
conversation just by asking the right questions.” Today, in his coaching
business, Jon does the same thing. “I try to tune in to the radio station of
the person I’m working with. I pay attention to the energy they exude.
It’s easy for me to do that because I’m in my head a lot, anyways.”
But doesn’t salesmanship require the ability to get excited, to pump
people up? Not according to Jon. “A lot of people believe that selling
requires being a fast talker, or knowing how to use charisma to
persuade. Those things do require an extroverted way of communicating.
But in sales there’s a truism that ‘we have two ears and one mouth and
we should use them proportionately.’ I believe that’s what makes
someone really good at selling or consulting—the number-one thing is
they’ve got to really listen well. When I look at the top salespeople in my
organization, none of those extroverted qualities are the key to their
success.”
And now back to Greg and Emily’s impasse. We’ve just acquired two
crucial pieces of information: first, Emily’s distaste for conversational
multitasking is real and explicable; and second, when introverts are able
to experience conversations in their own way, they make deep and
enjoyable connections with others.
It was only once they accepted these two realities that Greg and Emily
found a way to break their stalemate. Instead of focusing on the 
number
of dinner parties they’d give, they started talking about the 
format
of the