Musashi's Dokkodo (The Way of Walking Alone)

Teacher:
Everyone has done something in their life that they wish they had not
done.
Many people have wished for a “do-over” after certain less-than-
pleasant moments in their life. There are some people who seem to
have no ability whatsoever to get past a mistake in their life and
there are others who seem to have no regard at all for the issues
they cause others or the lives they destroy. These are two extreme
examples of the reaction of experiencing regret.
So how is it that we call the person who wrecks people’s lives
through calloused disregard for them and a complete lack of
empathy or regret an evil bastard, but when someone says, as
Musashi does here, “Do not regret what you have done,” we call
them a tough person and admire them?
Regret is a funny thing.
Obviously, regret is uncomfortable. No one likes to experience it. It is
not fun to sit and think about the fact that we have done something
we wish we had not done. But is there an upside to this powerful
negative feeling? Is it possible to turn this negative feeling into
something positive?
We do something, we wish we had not, and that is not a good
feeling. This is especially so in the light of understanding that we
cannot 
undo
what is already done, especially if we have hurt
someone we truly love. This action may have hurt us personally, or
those we love, or those who were depending on us. We wish we had
not done whatever it is that we have done. We would give 
anything

---

to go back in time and make that mistake not happen. So regret feels
like a very bad thing, and those who want to put on a tough attitude
toward the world will say, 
do not regret what you have done
. What is
in the past is in the past, what is done is done and cannot be
changed, so why waste your energy?
There is something very important missing in this tough guy attitude.
Something incredibly important, and if we miss it we will have a huge
hole in our life-experience. Not every experience that we learn from
is fun or pleasant. In truth, we learn the most from mistakes and
suffering the result of our poor decisions. In other words, regret is an
uncomfortable feeling, but it is also a very powerful learning tool for
those who have the strength of character to use it properly.
How so?
Perhaps in a moment of shortsightedness you make a decision and
take an action that ends up being a very big mistake. I am using an
extreme example, but all feelings of regret offer these same
opportunities to grow as a person, in greater or lesser degrees.
Maybe this mistake cost you dearly in relationships or damaged your
career or reputation, or in some cases all of the above.
Regret
is that tool that will make you wiser should the circumstances
ever return to where you have an opportunity to make a similar bad
choice. The powerful feeling of wishing that you had not done
something that you have already done and cannot change 
just might
be
the very thing that keeps you from making that same mistake
again. The poor saps who refuse to allow themselves to feel regret
have no such opportunity for growth. And as human beings, all we
can do in our short time is to try to grow as people and leave this
world a little better than it was when we got here.
Is there a problem with regret? Sure! There is a big problem for
some people who go to extremes in their emotions. Some people
lose sight of the fact that emotions are to be experienced, felt, and
then we move on. The big problem with regret is for the people who
dwell on it.

---

When you make a mistake, you can and should regret what you did
wrong. But in no way should it haunt your every waking thought for
the rest of your life. Strengthen your resolve to not make that
mistake, and then move forward. You may have lost the trust or even
the very relationship with people who are important to you. The world
keeps turning and we live out our lives. Those people who dwell on
their feeling of regret are not learning from their mistakes, they are
denying themselves the opportunity to 
grow
from the mistake. This is
every bit as much true for them as for the people who refuse to feel
regret. The person who refuses to feel regret is to be pitied every bit
as much as the person who cannot learn and grow from the
experience to emerge as a better person. Both are trapped.
There are people who argue that regret is useless because what is
done is done. I believe the exact opposite. If we do not learn from
our mistakes then we will more than likely repeat them. The result
will be the same as the first time we made the mistake and we will
have shown clearly that we have not learned anything in the time
between the mistakes.
So to me, regret is a good thing when used in moderation, just like
garlic! Too much and you ruin everything; not enough and there is
something missing from the experience. The good news is that we
can learn and grow from what is typically considered to be a
negative emotion. We need to be open to the experience and willing
to take the lessons offered therein. But it can be done.