Think Again

Part of the beauty of motivational interviewing is that it generates more
openness in both directions. Listening can encourage others to reconsider
their stance toward us, but it also gives us information that can lead us to
question our own views about them. If we take the practices of motivational
interviewing seriously, we might become the ones who think again.
It’s not hard to grasp how motivational interviewing can be effective
for consultants, doctors, therapists, teachers, and coaches. When people
have sought out our assistance—or accepted that it’s our job to help—we’re
in a position to earn their trust. Yet we all face situations in which we’re
tempted to steer people in the direction we prefer. Parents and mentors often
believe they know what’s best for their children and protégés. Salespeople,
fundraisers, and entrepreneurs have a vested interest in getting to yes.

---

Motivational interviewing pioneers Miller and Rollnick have long
warned that the technique shouldn’t be used manipulatively. Psychologists
have found that when people detect an attempt at influence, they have
sophisticated defense mechanisms. The moment people feel that we’re
trying to persuade them, our behavior takes on a different meaning. A
straightforward question is seen as a political tactic, a reflective listening
statement comes across as a prosecutor’s maneuvering, an affirmation of
their ability to change sounds like a preacher’s proselytizing.

---

Motivational interviewing requires a genuine desire to help people
reach their goals. Jeff and I both wanted his company to succeed. Marie-
Hélène and Arnaud both wanted Tobie to be healthy. If your goals don’t
seem to be aligned, how do you help people change their own minds?