One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way

“To be really great in little things, to be truly noble and heroic in the insipid details of everyday
life, is a virtue so rare as to be worthy of canonization.”
—Harriet Beecher Stowe
“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that
overwhelm the world.”
—Desmond Tutu
Another application of kaizen to relationships is allowing ourselves to be interested in the small details
of our partner’s life. Instead of expecting our mates to entertain us with dramatic gestures and stories, we
can try to appreciate their everyday qualities and actions. When people tell me that they are bored in their
current relationships, I suggest that they try kaizen. You may wish to do this as well. Train yourself to

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focus on the small, positive aspects of your partner. Instead of focusing on the big flaws, or waiting for a
horse-drawn carriage ride or trip to Paris, appreciate him or her for small gestures, a pleasing tone of
voice, or a kind touch.
One mistake many people make during this process is to praise their partners only for their actions.
“You’re such a good cook,” we say, or “you did a great job trimming the hedges.” But if your partner
receives compliments only for the services he provides, he may begin to feel like an employee. Instead,
try to identify one moment each day during which you can praise your partner’s personality or
appearance. Try “I love the way your hair looks in the morning,” or “I love how excited you get on the
way to the movies.” Acknowledging these small moments reassures your partner that she is loved as a
person, not just as a homemaker or breadwinner.
“Turning toward your spouse in the little ways is also the key to long-lasting romance. Many
people think that the secret to reconnecting with their partner is a candlelight dinner or a by-